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Band 5

Celebrities are famous for their weath and glamorous lifestyles rather than their achievements. This sets a bad example for young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree with that idea?

#celebrities #weath #lifestyles #achievements #sets #people #idea
Nowadays, there are
celebrities
 who are famous because of their glamorous lifestyle and background wealth
instead
 of their performance skill. Those
celebrities
 are
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 bad example for
youths
 but there are some others, who really
work
 hard and have talent, who can give positive admiration to the
youths
. In my view, some
celebrities
 are popular
although
 they are not very much hardworking.
This
 is because of their posts
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 social media about the branded accessories and luxury
items
 they own. They got funding to buy those
items
 from their rich parents or they are married
with
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 rich people. As an example, in our country, the beauty blogger Nay Chi Oo, regularly posted about the branded and expensive
items
 that she
own
Change the verb form
owns
show examples
 and having meals at the most expensive restaurants. She has millions of followers, and many
youths
 admire her wealth, but it can lead
youths
 to make money
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
 illegal
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
show examples
 to afford those branded
items
.
On the other hand
, there are hardworking and talented
celebrities
. They become famous because of
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 initiatives and putting
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
show examples
on
Change preposition
into
show examples
 their
work
. Some practise their performances for more than
normal
Correct article usage
the normal
show examples
 hours required and some
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 for 24 hours continuously.
This
resulted
Add the preposition
inresulted
fromresulted
show examples
 competency in their
work
 and become famous. One
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
example is Jackie Chan, a famous action actor,
has
Correct pronoun usage
who has
show examples
 a good reputation for his acting. His works can inspire
youths
 especially
making
Change preposition
by making
show examples
 them understand the harder they
work
, the better they will get.
Celebrities
 should inspire their followers by the way they
work
, making them understand achievements are more
previous
Correct your spelling
precious
show examples
 than wealth and glamour and should not mislead to the incorrect living style.
Submitted by tr.zarwaihnin on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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