IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Children should take part time jobs in their free time or they should totally focus on their studies. What are the advantages and disadvantages to children of doing so?

#children #part #time #jobs #focus #studies
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some argue that children should spend their spare time earning money. In regards,
this
 essay will discuss the pros and cons of children’s part-time jobs.
To begin
 with, it is advantageous when it comes to being responsible. It is undoubtedly true that scion should grow their sense of responsibility. As long as offspring desire to work, they should sign an employment contract.
This
 results in the form of rules which must be obeyed. the heir will be responsible in order not to break these rules,
such
 as being punctual and diligent. Those experiences will help youngsters to enrich their role in society and accomplish their future goals.
For instance
, Seoul National University reveals that students who have experienced part-time jobs show better performance in working on their assignments compared to other students who have not, meaning they are more responsible as being diligent and efficient at managing their time.
Nevertheless
, working as a child can cause a disadvantage, which is insufficient time to study. It is evident that the priority for children is to learn. By learning subjects from public education, the heir will notice what they want to do or be in the future. Considering
this
, if they neglect to study due to part-time jobs, they will be confused as they grow up, failing to have clear admiration. An example of
this
 is that adults regret not studying in the past, so they do not have a solid background to challenge a particular job they desire.
Therefore
, in order for offspring to achieve prosperity when they become adults, they should concentrate on learning. In conclusion,
although
 it is beneficial for children to grow their responsibility, they cannot determine what fields to belong to in the future.
Submitted by wlgh5955 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • part-time job
  • focus on
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • responsibility
  • work ethic
  • time management skills
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • financial independence
  • money management
  • practical knowledge
  • real-world experience
  • academic performance
  • stress
  • fatigue
  • rest
  • relaxation
  • extracurricular activities
  • unsafe
  • inappropriate
  • social development
  • emotional development
What to do next:
Look at other essays: