IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

In traditional or religious festivals. during festival periods people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves to what extent you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#festivals #periods #people
In
this
 day and age, the vast majority of
people
 attend religious or traditional-based festivals merely for fun. and they don't recall the background story that lies behind these
events
 anymore. I agree that during festivals attendees just want to have a good time,
however
, I disagree that the meaning which lies behind these
events
 has been forgotten. Primarily, many historical
events
 are taught in depth to children from kindergarten to even college majors in different ways, namely via shows,
school
 projects and
school
 subjects. If the meaning behind was forgotten,
then
 they wouldn't have been celebrated anymore! I personally know many non-Christians that not only celebrate Christmas but
also
 are aware of its details. other ceremonies
such
 as the bonfire or Yalda night and Nowruz are being celebrated globally and explained in detail with the help of social media and the
school
's special programs.
for instance
; Nowruz ,the Iranian New Year, is celebrated in the White House annually.
Secondly
, I believe that traditional and religious
events
 are not taken seriously, it's a decent place for folks to gather and get away from polluting poisonous thoughts and
also
 arms us with a great opportunity to mix with new
people
 as well. I personally attended a festival called bonfire
last
 year and I didn't pay any heeds to the history behind it but, I made so many loyal and caring
people
 and I was filled with joy. another salient point to bear in mind
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 is that many of those who participate are neither religious nor interested in any kind of background history. In conclusion, I agree that some group of
people
 attend festivals because they want a colourful and fun place to meet their friends and clear their head from stressful thoughts,
however
, I stand against the idea that the background of
such
events
 are forgotten because they are taught in
school
,
people
 speak about them in social media and some TV programs.
Submitted by atizv555 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: