Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some
people
Use synonyms
believe that
music
Use synonyms
is a good way to unite
people
Use synonyms
with different cultures and
ages
Use synonyms
. I strongly agree with the aforementioned condition because
music
Use synonyms
has messages that can be interpreted in any
languages
Fix the agreement mistake
language
show examples
and the
music
Use synonyms
beat can uplift anyone's mood.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
music
Use synonyms
is a universal language that can be understood by
people
Use synonyms
from different cultures and
ages
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
they speak different languages,
people
Use synonyms
easily understand the messages that
music
Use synonyms
brings. It is because they can look for the meaning on the internet if they do not understand the lyrics.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, if the lyrics relate to their condition, they feel that there are other
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
that understand their feelings.
For instance
Linking Words
, a
song
Use synonyms
called Spring Day by a Korean Boyband named BTS is a famous
song
Use synonyms
because it resonates with all
people
Use synonyms
around the
world
Use synonyms
.
People
Use synonyms
who do not speak Korean can search
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
meaning of the lyrics on the internet.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
around the
world
Use synonyms
, from teenagers to adults gain strength during difficult
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
by listening to that
song
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the tone of the
music
Use synonyms
is an
appeal
Change the verb form
appealing
show examples
way that can attract
people
Use synonyms
together, no matter their cultures and
ages
Use synonyms
. As
Use synonyms
music
Replace the word
musical
show examples
tones influence the mood of their listeners, some
music
Use synonyms
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
arranged to uplift
people
Use synonyms
's
spirit
Fix the agreement mistake
spirits
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, Dreamers, an official
song
Use synonyms
for the
World
Use synonyms
Cup, is an upbeat
music
Use synonyms
that purposed to enhance the spirit of the supporters.
This
Linking Words
music
Use synonyms
brings
people
Use synonyms
from any
nations
Fix the agreement mistake
nation
show examples
and any
Use synonyms
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
in the
world
Use synonyms
together to support their favourite teams. In conclusion,
music
Use synonyms
not only can
delivers
Change the verb form
deliver
show examples
messages to
people
Use synonyms
with
Change preposition
from
show examples
different
background
Fix the agreement mistake
backgrounds
show examples
, but
also
Linking Words
it can uplift the mood of the listeners.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I remain firmly convinced that
music
Use synonyms
is a good way to bring
people
Use synonyms
with many diversities together.
Submitted by putrifebby02 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Consider adding more examples or further exploration of the points to enhance depth.
coherence cohesion
Ensure all points are interconnected smoothly to further enhance coherence.
task achievement
The response clearly addresses the task prompt, providing a clear position and supporting arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized, featuring an introduction, two main body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
Examples provided effectively illustrate the points being made, enhancing understanding.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
What to do next:
Look at other essays: