The provided pie charts shows how much energy used by Americans and gasses emiision from various sources

The provided pie charts shows how much energy used by Americans and gasses emiision from various sources
The provided pie charts compare the amount of
energy
used by Australians for household chores and how much
gresshouse
Correct your spelling
greenhouse
gases are emitted by using the
energy
for different purposes. In general, Australians used the highest percentage of
energy
for heating ;
while
, using the
energy
for water heating ,
largest
Correct article usage
the largest
show examples
proportion
Add an article
the proportion
show examples
of
gasses
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
released. It is ostensible that 42% of
power
Add an article
the power
show examples
used
Add a missing verb
is used
show examples
for heating, which is 12
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
higher than water heating (30%.). It is interesting to see that a tiny proportion (2%) and (4%) of electricity
used
Add a missing verb
is used
show examples
for cooling Lighting respectively. A large difference (8.1) fot be seen in wring power forand Refrigeration (7%) and other appliances (15%). Considering the emission of
gasses
, just over a
third
(32%) of
gasses
are released from water heating
whereas
only 3% of
gasses
emit
Change the form of the verb
emitted
show examples
from cooling. An insignificant proportion ( 15% ) and (14%) of
gasses
released
Add a missing verb
are released
show examples
from heating and refrigeration. The emissions of
gasses
are (8%) and (28%) which is the result of lighting and other appliances
accordingly
.
Submitted by manjeetmehra2161 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words energy, gasses with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "provided" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the sixth paragraph.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: