IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that companies should be allowed to collect data about customers freely, while others believe this practice should be restricted. Discuss both sides of this issue.

#people #companies #data #customers #practice
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
These days companies place a premium on collecting data from their customers. Some
people
 think they should be allowed to collect the information they need while
on the other hand
 others argue that,
this
 action should be restricted. In
this
 essay, I will discuss both views. To embark, it is crystal clear that the most important information for a business is the information about its clients. On the grounds that they realize which one of their products is the most favourable one.
Furthermore
, in each part of a country,
people
 are interested in different things.
For instance
, in Sistan
people
 like Kashk more than in other parts of Iran.
As a result
, a great amount of Kashk from each dairy factory will be sent to that part.
In addition
 to what I have just said, to launch new goods, companies need to know the buyer's needs.
For example
, Huda beauty discover that women like to have long black lashes so, a new mascara will be produced that contains these qualities. In the forthcoming; paragraph I want to talk about restrictions in
this
 field.
Although
 it will help both customers and firms, if companies insist too much on
this
 and force
people
 to give their opinion, not only they will lose their buyers, but
also
 make them angry. I myself as a purchaser think it is really annoying. To conclude, gone is the idea that, what
people
 need is not important.
This
 kind of marketing is for almost 30 years ago.
Submitted by s.pantea.rahnama on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • personalized
  • targeted
  • advertising
  • improved
  • products
  • services
  • efficient
  • decision-making
  • invasion
  • privacy
  • misuse
  • security
  • risks
  • manipulation
  • discrimination
  • consent
  • control
  • regulation
  • innovation
  • balance
  • convenience
  • implementing
  • protection
  • transparency
  • accountability
  • ethical
What to do next:
Look at other essays: