Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Social issues related to
celebrities
' influence on young
people
have been widely discussed among
people
over
centuries
Correct article usage
the centuries
show examples
. It is hard to deny that
celebrities
set a positive model
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
personal
appearance
, and
such
a fact leads impressionable
people
to generate the opinion that famous
people
are a good example for young
people
.
However
,
such
a statement suffers from both logical and factual fallacies, and it should be examined meticulously. As far as materialism, personal
development
and
appearance
are concerned, I strongly hold that
celebrities
set a bad example
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
the young.
First
and foremost, wealthy superstars make young
people
too materialistic, as the young tend to believe that money is everything. To be more specific, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
famous
Add an article
the famous
show examples
people
are promoted for their wealth on
TV
Change the noun form
tvs
show examples
,
such
as big houses, sports cars and luxury items they bought, and they look
like
Change preposition
apply
show examples
shiny and proud of what they possess.
As a result
, young
people
would buy what luxury things their idols buy, though they could not afford these things, which may put a heavy burden on their
families'
Correct your spelling
families
show examples
financial situation and make them pursue materialism.
Furthermore
, the fact that being more famous for glamour and wealth than
achievements
Correct article usage
the achievements
show examples
of famous
people
damages one's personal
development
indicates that
this
may be a bad role for the young.Take the case of one of my classmates, who indulges a beautiful idol and spends a lot of money on her albums. As a consequence, he seldom works hard in his study and failed
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the college entrance examination, which put an obstacle
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
his
development
in the future. Had it not been for wasting time and money on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
celebrities
, my classmate would never have become failable
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
his study.
Nevertheless
, a voice arises that glamorous
people
on TV make young children
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
aware of their
appearance
, and
this
is a positive trend. Ironically,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young
people
, especially those who
lacks
Change the verb form
lack
show examples
self-discipline, would waste much of their time on dressing and making up themselves like movie stars, which can be
otherwise
used
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
studying or something useful. What's worse, they are likely to tidy up their
appearance
at a young age because of the admiration for the pretty look of
celebrities
.
Therefore
,
celebrities
are more famous for their charm than
achievements
Change preposition
for achievements
show examples
would make young
people
conscious of their
appearance
too much. In a nutshell, I maintain that as far as materialism, personal
development
and
appearance
are concerned, I strongly hold that being more famous for beauty and wealth than for
achievements
Correct article usage
the achievements
show examples
of
celebrities
sets a bad example to the young. Admittedly, as my favourite quote from James Madison goes, as long as the reason of man continues to fallible, different opinions will be formed, and some
people
may oppose me.
However
, I believe they will compromise after being exposed to my article.
Submitted by 522167338 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • glamour
  • wealth
  • achievements
  • portrayed
  • overshadow
  • influenced
  • lifestyles
  • unrealistic
  • expectations
  • values
  • promoting
  • hard work
  • perseverance
  • inspire
  • positive impact
What to do next:
Look at other essays: