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Writing Samples
Band 5

In modern society, more and more people live longer. Do you think the benefits of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

#society #people #situation
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In the age of technology,
people
 tend to extend their
life
expectancy
, it is one of the most controversial issues in our society. According to my opinion,
this
 phenomenon has both advantages and disadvantages but the drawbacks are more important. On the one hand,broadening your
life
 will bring you a lot of benefits.
Firstly
 you are able to enjoy many interesting things in the world.
For example
,you can travel to many attractive places and join activities
such
 as doing charity, visiting monuments in
this
 destination and so on. It will make you relax and become more optimistic.
Secondly
, you can
also
 spend time with your children. You are able to take your kid to school and talk to them regularly to understand them better.
On the other hand
,the rise
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 extending
life
expectancy
also
 has disadvantages. As the matter of fact, it will cause
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 high population in the world and the authorities can not satisfy
demands
Correct article usage
the demands
show examples
 of
people
Correct article usage
the people
show examples
. The traffic jam may appear more frequently so the proportion of evidence might increase.
Moreover
, a lot of
people
 will fall into unemployment because old
people
 usually have more
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
show examples
 and better skills.
Beside
Replace the word
Besides
show examples
, the money
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
invested to broaden
life
expectancy
 is very big and not everyone can afford it. One of the most extensive
drawback
Change to a plural noun
drawbacks
show examples
 is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
resource depletion
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 will lead to a lot of unresolved consequences. In conclusion,
although
 increasing
life
expectancy
 has some benefits, the advantages of
this
 problem are still more serious.
Submitted by nguyenthuytien1609 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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