IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

some people think that the most important thing about being rich is it gives a person the opportunity to helo other people. do you agree or disagree?

#people #person #opportunity #helo
Many
people
 thought that the essential part when you are having a lot of money and much wealth is the chance to be able being a giving a hand to other
people
.
This
 essay agrees with the statement because
people
 cannot get into that stage if they did not receive any help from other
people
. Of course, it is
also
 including many other aspects too like working hard and never giving up.
However
, it is impossible if we did that only by ourselves. From my point of view, humans are depending on each other, and we must become sociable
people
 to be able to survive in
this
 stressful world. If we are working really hard but we did not care about other
individuals
 and only think about ourselves, we did not get caring about other
people
 too.
For example
, if we are doing business, we have to communicate with others like buyers or
another seller
Fix the agreement mistake
other sellers
show examples
. Another example is when we are office workers, we
also
 have to cooperate with other workers so the goal can be reached. It is something crucial though, because many
individuals
this
 day especially young
individuals
 careless about others, and just think about themselves. They became less respectful of the elderly and become a selfish person. In the end, they tend to become lonely because others did not want to be around them. On the opposite, if we are able to give a hand to another human, it is our opportunity to become a more thoughtful human, and we can learn when we are helping other
people
 in their lives too. So, in the end, we can have a different perspective on our lives, and maybe it gives us more strength and energy to work harder. In conclusion, humans are sociable
individuals
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and really tend to depend on each other. It is crucial if we have the opportunity to help other
individuals
 we must do it, because someday when things are hard,
people
 that we help before may be able to give their hand to us.
Submitted by serlyayus on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: