IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that the government should give financial support to artists such as musicians, painters and poets . others think that it is a waste of money . discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #government #support #artists #musicians #painters #poets #waste #money
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A section of society holds a belief that the administration should give funds to
artists
.
Whereas
 others that it is not worth spending
money
 on
artists
.
This
 essay intends to discuss both views followed by my opinion in the forthcoming paragraphs with relevant illustrations. The most conspicuous reason
as to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
why the
government
 should fund to art field is that it helps them
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
boost their morale thereby they produce more things without any financial stress . Another considerable reason is that
artists
 are actually just another type of occupation like scientists, workers and farmers .
Therefore
 , those who sell their work to earn
money
 that can support their living . For illustration , a painter sells their painting to feed their family and is the only source of income .
However
 ,others believe that the
government
 should not fund the
artists
 .
Firstly
 , there are many areas where the funds should be granted
such
 as education , healthcare or the transportation system. These public services need more support from the
government
 than the arts .
In addition
 , there are several
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
 who have an interest in art and they spend an amount of
money
 to subsidise the arts .
For example
, some collectors have hobbies
to collect
Change preposition
of collecting
show examples
 paintings and whether there are any exhibitions they buy the
painting
Fix the agreement mistake
paintings
show examples
 by spending
Add an article
a
show examples
hefty amount .
To conclude
 ,
although
 some people think that the
government
 should not spend
money
 on the
artist
Fix the agreement mistake
artists
show examples
 because of problems in other sectors , I believe that they should spend
money
 on the
artist
Fix the agreement mistake
artists
show examples
 as it helps them to boost their morale and it is
also
 the occupation of some people.
Submitted by jashanvashisht2003 on

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task achievement
Ensure that you fully explain each point and provide a balanced argument with evidence for both views.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical flow by using more varied transitional phrases, and ensure that your ideas are presented in a logical sequence.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented and summarize the main points effectively.
task achievement
The essay provides a complete response to the task by discussing both views and providing a personal opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Government funding
  • Cultural preservation
  • Economic development
  • Financial stability
  • Nurture talent
  • Innovation
  • Diverts resources
  • Critical services
  • Art market
  • Personal merit
  • Mediocrity
  • Dependency
  • Patrons
  • Sponsorship
  • Private funding
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