IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

It is commonly believed that nowadays main factors that affect a child's development are media, pop culture and friends. A different point of view is that family plays the most significant role. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#factors #child #development #media #pop #culture #friends #point #role
Young
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
development
 is always important for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. In recent days,
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
 improvement has declined due to various factors like social media, spending time with peers and participating in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cultural activities. but some claim family plays a primary role
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their
development
. In my opinion,
family
Add an article
the family
show examples
 teaches socialism as well as good habits which enhance their
development
.
First
 of all, children developments are distracted due to the high usage of social media and
enjoy
Replace the word
enjoyment
show examples
 with colleagues. They tend to spend a lot of time on social media , watching movies and get addicted to it.
For example
, my cousin used to watch a comic series on TV and his behaviour changed like the cartoon hero in web series.
In addition
 , there could be serious character changes might reflect when they mix up with unwanted friendships.
This
 will affect their
development
 and bad reputation in their career.
On the other hand
, family are
major
Correct article usage
a major
show examples
 gamechanger
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
development
. From
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
childhood, family members teach a child to
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
socialised with other
people
 which
encourage
Correct subject-verb agreement
encourages
show examples
 child improvement.
For instance
, our
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
 trained us how to behave in society which made us
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
responsible
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
 community.
Moreover
, family members educate
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young
people
 by narrating good stories which stimulate their growth. To conclude, young
people
Add the comma(s)
,people
show examples
 are spoiling their life due to the reasons mentioned
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
here but still parents
holding
Wrong verb form
hold
show examples
 responsibility for their improvement to become good
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
.
Submitted by Arunsap05 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • influence
  • development
  • media
  • pop culture
  • peers
  • family
  • social skills
  • beliefs
  • values
  • emotional support
  • moral guidance
  • aspirations
  • self-image
  • social development
  • value system
  • harmony
  • conflict
  • significant
  • behaviors
What to do next:
Look at other essays: