In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
​In some cultures, elder people make the
children
Use synonyms
convince that they can obtain anything if they
attempt
Use synonyms
hard enough. Sharing
children
Use synonyms
this
Linking Words
though can have both benefits and drawbacks. ​
Firstly
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
message can motivate them and make their
lives
Use synonyms
successful. When they feel exhausted, these words can force them to continue their work without being disappointed. And
then
Linking Words
, they will never be depressed whenever they fail because
in
Add the comma(s)
,in
show examples
their morel, they believe that they can achieve everything if they
attempt
Use synonyms
hard.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, they will have the habit which
does
Wrong verb form
doing
show examples
every job trying hard. And
then
Linking Words
, they will
attempt
Use synonyms
step by step to get everything they wish in their
lives
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
mindset can make their
lives
Use synonyms
not only successful but
also
Linking Words
satisfactory. ​
Secondly
Linking Words
, sharing
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
these
show examples
though
Correct your spelling
thought
show examples
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
children
Use synonyms
can make them
stressful
Replace the word
stressed
show examples
and destroy their hopes. There
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
some
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
that they cannot overcome
although
Linking Words
they try hard. The only thing they need to pass
this
Linking Words
situation is time.
Consequently
Linking Words
, they feel
stressful
Replace the word
stressed
show examples
because realize that they cannot achieve everything trying hard. The more they
attempt
Use synonyms
, the more stressful they are. And
then
Linking Words
, they are not satisfied
their
Change preposition
with their
show examples
lives
Use synonyms
and their hopes are destroyed. When everything does not occur what they expect, their
lives
Use synonyms
will be hopeless. So,
children
Use synonyms
can suffer from negative impacts. ​In conclusion, in some cultures, they are often told that they can attain everything if they
attempt
Use synonyms
hard enough.
However
Linking Words
, in every case, there are both advantages and disadvantages.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
can make
children
Use synonyms
’s
lives
Use synonyms
successful as well as hopeless.
Submitted by tr.zarwaihnin on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • achieve
  • try hard
  • positive mindset
  • self-belief
  • motivates
  • ambitious goals
  • resilience
  • determination
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
  • growth mindset
  • unrealistic expectations
  • disappointment
  • failure
  • effort
  • hard work
  • seek support
  • individual differences
  • abilities
  • capabilities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: