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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Successful professional athletes can earn much more than people in other important professions, such as nurses, doctors and teacher.Someone considers it quite justified, and someone considers it unfair.To what extent tdo you agree or disagree?

#athletes #people #professions #nurses #doctors #teacher #someone #tdo
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The issue of
incomes
Fix the agreement mistake
income
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 in various occupations has been discussed whether its amount is acceptable with the social position.Some famous sportsmen can earn more money than other essential careers
such
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 as doctors.
This
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 leads to the critics that it is unfair regarding the public contribution.In my opinion. I agree that successful
players
Use synonyms
 deserve to earn more money
due to
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 their perseverance and icon for the youth.
To begin
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 with, there are numerous factors that create
layman
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laymen
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 to be well-known
players
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. One of the most important parts is their patience.Without
this
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 trait, their goals could not be reached easily.
Thus
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, it should be fair that they should be treated with
high-paid
Correct your spelling
high
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 salaries.
For example
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, before participating in any games, athletes had to run as many times as possible to get the best time record. The more they practised, the faster they could run.
As a result
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, they can attain the desired positions in the final match.
Thereby
Rephrase
Therefore
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, the reward for
hard-working
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hard work
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 should be enough to empower them to continue their jobs.
In addition
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, since playing
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
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 is the symbol of a healthy lifestyle, it raises public awareness of the value of exercise.
In other words
Linking Words
, successful professional
sports
Use synonyms
players
Use synonyms
 are the hero of all fans,especially children.
For instance
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, many
sports
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 activities
such
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 as football, volleyball, and basketball are held frequently
due to
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 the success of the national
sports
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 team.
This
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 leads to healthy communities which can improve the
overall
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 quality of life.
Therefore
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, it should be justified to promote national
sports
Use synonyms
players
Use synonyms
 with high
payroll
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payrolls
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. In conclusion,
according to
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 endeavour and public figures, great
players
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 in all kinds of
sports
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 should deserve high revenues.Despite the indirect effects of their works, they provide crucial inspiration for the general public. -
Submitted by paisarnsi182 on

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task response
Provide a stronger thesis statement that clearly states your position on the topic and outlines the main points you will cover in the essay. Make sure to address all parts of the essay prompt and develop your ideas more fully and coherently.
coherence and cohesion
Work on organizing your ideas in a more logically structured manner. Use transition words and phrases to link your ideas more clearly and create a smoother flow of information throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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