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Band 7.5

It was common in the past for people to retire at 60. Now more and more people are choosing to continue working past the official retirement age, with some countries even increasing the official age of retirement. Do you agree or disagree with this change? Why?

#people #retirement #age #countries #change
In the past,
people
 often tended to retire at a set
age
 of 60 or 65 and would opt for an easy and relaxed lifestyle,
this
 predicament has been changing for a couple of years and now more and more
people
 are continuing to
work
 past that
age
.
This
 essay totally agrees with the choice that aged
people
 should continue to take part in
work
 life for as long as possible, details of that will be shared below.
Firstly
, every company is looking for hard-working and efficient employees in their workforce.
Hence
 employers are more inclined to keep the employees who have been working for them for a long tenure keep their jobs and help train newcomers,
consequently
, They are highly respected
due to
 the experience they have in their field. With all these points to consider, it is of great benefit that there is no specific
age
 limit
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 a person to
work
.
Secondly
, it has
also
 been observed that employees who have a nature of excellence are more inclined to
work
 at a mature
age
. Since they have good skills in their job, they feel pride and a sense of achievement to do great
work
,
hence
work
 in itself is a motivation for them and they feel pride doing their
work
.
As a result
, society will have less demotivated seniors as they will be playing a more important role in the environment. In summary, having a set
age
 for retirement is not required anymore, as there are many reasons to support that predicament.
People
 are more and more inclined to
work
 at a later
age
 and have many more options as compared to the early times.
Submitted by salman.saeed on

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task achievement
Consider using more specific examples or data to support your points. This enriches the essay and makes your arguments stronger.
coherence cohesion
Make sure transitions between paragraphs are smoother. Using more linking words can improve the flow of your essay.
task achievement
The essay effectively argues that there should not be a set age for retirement, using logical reasoning and pointing out societal benefits.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion provide clear insights into the writer's opinion. They effectively bookend the essay and frame the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • retirement age
  • life expectancy
  • economic necessity
  • financial insecurity
  • aging population
  • workforce diversity
  • knowledge transfer
  • cognitive benefits
  • age discrimination
  • physical capability
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