IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugars which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #level #sugars #health #people #sugar
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Many packaged
foods
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 and drinks contain unhealthy ingredients like
sugar
Use synonyms
. To prevent people from buying
such
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foods
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 and drinks to force them to consume less
sugar
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, increasing their prices might be one of the solutions.
While
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 I agree with
this
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 statement, additional precautions should be implemented
such
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 as
further
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 education, increasing awareness etc.
Firstly
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, sugary products are preferable mainly because they are affordable, convenient and make individuals happy. Accessing
such
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 products at low prices compared to healthy options
motivate
Correct subject-verb agreement
motivates
show examples
 consumers to choose them.
In addition
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 to
this
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, eating sugary provides releases some hormones that make people happy. Because of these reasons, a growing population consume more
sugar
Use synonyms
 than is needed. Increasing their prices would be an effective way to limit consumption.
Additionally
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, many people are not aware that processed edible products lead to many diseases like obesity, heart disease, and diabetes.
Moreover
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, even though some
foods
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 are not healthy
but
Correct word choice
apply
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they may be perceived as healthy
due to
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 not paying attention to the label. It is important to read the nutrition labels before purchasing.
Hence
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, awareness
of
Change preposition
in
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 society should be promoted about processed
foods
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 and their ingredients
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
those
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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. These are some of the important ways to avoid added
sugar
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.
As a result
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, reducing
sugar
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 consumption would be beneficial for the national health system by admitting fewer patients to hospitals.
To sum up
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, it can be argued that unhealthy processed
foods
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 and drinks are the cause of many diseases. Even though, making them expensive is one of the solutions different ways should be applied to solve
this
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 problem.
Submitted by ozdennevin on

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task achievement
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coherence cohesion
Make sure all main points are clearly supported and developed.
coherence cohesion
Consider adding a concluding sentence to summarize your main ideas.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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