Some people think that music plays an important role in the society. Others think it is simply a random form of entertainment. Discuss both views and give your opinion

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The global relevance of
music
can never be
Add a hyphen
over-emphasised
show examples
over emphasised
Correct your spelling
overemphasised
show examples
. A few
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
individuals perceive that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
Music
plays a key function in humanity, whereas others have a contrary view that, it is limited to just being a form of pleasure. These are valid points,
hence
this
essay will discuss them and give a concluding opinion. On the one hand, those who believe that
Music
has a positive impact
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
the public, do so because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
it is a good source of income.
Correct your spelling
Over time
show examples
Overtime
Correct your spelling
Over time
show examples
, a lot of
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
have transformed into billionaire celebrities owing to
Music
sales and
performance
Fix the agreement mistake
performances
show examples
. A good example is the likes of Jay Z, Tu face and the rest.
Furthermore
,
Music
has a major influence on mood. people tend to listen to a particular genre of
music
at a time depending on how they feel.
Example
Change preposition
For example
show examples
, a recent study has shown that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
songs
lightens
Change the verb form
lighten
show examples
mood
Add an article
the mood
show examples
,
reduces
Correct subject-verb agreement
reduce
show examples
anxiety and depression, and even boost memory.
On the other hand
, people who feel
music
is just a form of entertainment do so because of the fact that individuals care more about the melody rather than the lyrics.
Often times
Correct your spelling
Oftentimes
show examples
, some
songs
which pass inferior messages are being cheered and danced to, due to the tune it carries.
Additionally
,
songs
are
source
Add an article
a source
the source
show examples
of pleasure in events, which cuts across cultural, religious and other aspects. In conclusion, despite
that
Correct article usage
the that
show examples
people see caring about only the
songs
' lyrics and using it as a source of pleasure at events as being the reason for
music
serving just the purpose of entertainment, the aforementioned reasons would seem to make me support the view that, it has a key role to play in the society.
Submitted by agozie2018 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: