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Writing Samples
Band 6

People used to live in the same city throughout their lives, but now they change where they live several times. What is the cause? Do you think it is a positive or negative trend?

#people #city #lives #change #times #trend
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In the past,
people
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 prefer to live in the same city throughout their lives,
however
Linking Words
, now they
change
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 their living places several times. The cause of
this
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 is
people
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 love
change
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 nowadays, and I personally believe that it is a positive development because it fosters
personal
Correct article usage
the personal
show examples
 development of an individual.
People
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 do not prefer to stay in the same
place
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 throughout their whole lives because these days they prefer
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change
Add the particle
to change
show examples
. Staying in the same
place
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 for years is monotonous for
people
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, and it impacts their health and well-being.
Therefore
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,
people
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 prefer to
change
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 their places and move from
one
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place
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 to another.
For example
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, in Australia, the young generation
believe
Change the verb form
believes
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 that staying in the same
place
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 for a long time is boring for them. They prefer
change
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 and they do not love to stay in the same city for more than two years. I personally believe that changing cities and moving from
one
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place
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 to another fosters personal development. A person who moves from
one
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place
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 to another can meet new
people
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 and
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
 culture, which allows a person to grow mentally. It broadens their outlooks, increases their knowledge, and enhances
the
Change the word
their
show examples
adaptibility
Correct your spelling
adaptability
 to survive in a new
enviroment
Correct your spelling
environment
.
For example
Linking Words
, many
people
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 in Japan believe that they prefer moving from
one
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place
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 to another because it allows them to survive in a new
place
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 and weather, which ultimately enhances their survival skills. In conclusion, I personally believe that moving from
one
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place
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 to another is beneficial because it fosters personal growth and eliminates the monotony of life.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

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task achievement
Your essay would benefit from a more detailed exploration of both positive and negative aspects of the trend. While you focus on the benefits, acknowledging potential downsides or why some might view it negatively could offer a more balanced perspective.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to vary your sentence structure to maintain reader interest and showcase your linguistic range. For instance, use complex and compound sentences to connect ideas more fluidly.
coherence cohesion
Some minor spelling and grammatical errors are present (e.g., 'prefer' should be 'preferred' in the past context, 'enviroment' should be 'environment'). These do not greatly affect understanding but should be corrected.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively frame the essay. You have provided a coherent argument for why you think the trend is positive, which is consistent throughout the essay.
supported main points
You used an appropriate example related to Australia, which supports your main point about the youth's desire for change.
task achievement
The argument is consistently developed and your points about personal development and avoiding monotony are clearly articulated, showing a good understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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