Some people think young people should be required to have full time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is hard to deny that
full
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full-time
show examples
time
education
before 18 enables young people
gain
Add the particle
to gain
show examples
adequate knowledge that might be useful in
future
Add an article
a future
show examples
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
, and
such
a fact leads impressionable people to generate the opinion that the young should be taught in
school
full
time
before 18.
However
,
such
a statement suffers from both logical and factual fallacies
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and should be examined meticulously. As far as financial support, problem-solving skills and
career
path are concerned, I strongly hold that
students
before 18 should not be in
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
education
.
First
and foremost, studying in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school
as well as taking a part-job can reduce
financial
Add an article
the financial
show examples
burden of some less well-off families. Institute
fees
are usually high, and parents should pay for primary
school
fees
, junior high
school
fees
and senior high
school
fees
, which means a large amount of expenditure for families. If a student from
less
Add an article
the less
show examples
well-off background can take a part-job after
school
, he or she can help remove the financial stress.
Furthermore
, taking a part-job may improve
students
'
problem solving
Add a hyphen
problem-solving
show examples
skills, which can not be
gain
Wrong verb form
gained
show examples
in
school
study. To be more specific,
students
in
school
would face
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
problems, and all they need to do is
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
classes and
finishing
Wrong verb form
finish
show examples
their homework.
However
, when young people have jobs in companies, they have to tackle all kinds of issues,
such
finishing
Change preposition
as finishing
show examples
a PPT in
foreign
Add an article
a foreign
show examples
language or organizing a meeting for their department.
As a result
, they will gain a deep understanding of how to handle things difficult.
Nevertheless
, a voice arises that young person who accepts
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
education
would have enough academic
Correct your spelling
knowledge
knowedge
Correct your spelling
knowledge
to use in their
further
jobs. Ironically, because of lacking the ability to combine their expertise and the requirement of jobs, they would
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
eventually fail in their
career
path.
Therefore
, having
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
education
before is
also
Correct your spelling
beneficial
benificial
Correct your spelling
beneficial
to
career
development. In conclusion, I maintain that as far as financial support, problem-solving skills and
career
path are concerned, I strongly hold that
students
before 18 should not be in
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
education
.
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    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
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    • Sentence 1 - Summary
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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • fundamental cornerstone
  • literacy and numeracy
  • social inequalities
  • foundation of knowledge
  • social mobility
  • informed and engaged citizenry
  • democratic processes
  • youth crime rates
  • productive activities
  • vocational training
  • workforce
  • stifling individual talent
  • economic contribution
  • stress and mental health issues
  • unsuitable educational system
  • one-size-fits-all approach
  • diverse talents
  • career paths
  • formal academic education
  • financial strains
  • low-income countries
  • improving quality of education
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