IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that international news should be included in the syllabus of secondary school students. Do you agree or disagree?

News
Use synonyms
 has always been a part of social,
economical
Replace the word
economic
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 and political welfare. A few individuals got to hold the idea that international or national
news
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 is beneficial for higher secondary school
students
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 if the
news
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 is added to the syllabus
Punctuation problem
. .in
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.in
Correct your spelling
In
this
Linking Words
 essay will
further
Linking Words
 elaborate on the view of why I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 trend.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, they admit that
news
Use synonyms
 has always influenced different aspects of life an individual and society. As we progress on
this
Linking Words
 idea
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news
Punctuation problem
, news
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 has given us a vision of how the
world
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work
Correct subject-verb agreement
works
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. As
such
Linking Words
 so if we
prioritize
Change the spelling
prioritise
show examples
education
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, especially higher secondary
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education
Punctuation problem
education,
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 it can benefit the student how the social norms and cultural conflicts occur around the
world
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Punctuation problem
. .to
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.to
Correct your spelling
To
 cite an example, if the schools provide newspapers to all
students
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 as
extracurricular
Correct article usage
an extracurricular
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 activity during the past time or recess. They develop a habit of reading new languages or may get
interset
Replace the word
interested in
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 knowing about
technological
Correct article usage
the technological
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 and economic status around the
world
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, International
news
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 plays a major role in schooling and
course
Fix the agreement mistake
courses
show examples
Punctuation problem
. .when
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.when
Correct your spelling
When
students
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 exploit
news
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 as a guide for obtaining synthesised sources and
also
Linking Words
 assimilating knowledge for study material.
Linking Words
moreover
Fix capitalization
Moreover
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, career
news
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 gives a major advantage in finding suitable and various career jobs that can be sought around the
world
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Punctuation problem
. .although
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.
Correct your spelling
Although
although
Linking Words
 within
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
 shown in the
essay
Punctuation problem
essay,
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 there is a drawback to point on in some scenarios that
news
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 tends to deviate
source
Check wording
apply
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from the
reality
Check wording
source
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which
Punctuation problem
, which
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misleads
Verb problem
can affect
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 the source can affect
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
student opinion. In conclusion,
news
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 greatly benefits and influences
education
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 and
students
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' knowledge proficiency. In my opinion, knowing about the outside
world
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 through
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news
Correct article usage
the news
show examples
 is more advantageous in their career and
education
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Plan the essay before you write. Say clearly that you agree and keep this view in most parts.
task response
Give two clear reasons with small, easy ideas that fit the point. Add a short example for each.
coherence
Make a simple plan: intro, 2 body parts, then a short ending. Use clear order in each paragraph.
coherence
Use small linking words like and, but, also, so to show how ideas go from one idea to the next.
quality of argument
You show a clear view that you agree with the idea.
content
You talk about how news can help students to learn about the world.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • global perspective
  • current affairs
  • critical thinking skills
  • cultural awareness
  • empathy
  • language skills
What to do next:
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