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Band 5.5

Providing financial aid to the poor can increase poverty. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#aid #poverty
These days, Due to lack of job, illiteracy, low income and etc. some families encounter main financial problems.
Therefore
, the
governments
 pay money to them monthly in order to protect these groups.
As a result
, it can lead to
rising
Correct article usage
a rising
show examples
 up
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rate of poverty in society. I agree with
this
 approach, but I think it depends on the other conditions. In
this
 essay, I will discuss my point of view and
then
 expose my example and suggestion. Cash assistance is one of the ways that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
governments
 can help
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
poor
people
.
However
, it cannot clear
this
 issue completely and can have some negative points in the country.
First
 of all, some of these
people
 are not interested in finding a job and prefer to stay at home. Because they can give enough money for living from the bank and are used to laziness.
For example
, when someone can give money easily, why he or she should accept to work for different employers.
Consequently
, it can encourage other
people
 to not work and create some major side effects for society
such
 as unemployment which is one of the main causes of poverty.
Secondly
, it can have an indirect and direct impact on government expenses. It means that it can affect the rate of tax and other prices.
In addition
, if the authorize come across some economic problems, these can decrease the quality and quantity of protections and services for
people
. It is irrefutable that helping the poor can prohibit to occur many issues in many cities and some places. It can help them to keep from doing some illegals. As we know, poverty can have some severe effects on our society. It can bring increasing crime, smuggling, and reduction of social security. To sum up briefly,
although
, one of the main duties of
governments
 is to preserve the pupil from threats, some of these protections can have negative side effects. I think that it would be a good idea for the
governments
 to allocate
this
 budget to set up
a new jobs
Correct the article-noun agreement
a new job
new jobs
show examples
, education, and vocational program,
instead
 of paying cash to poor
people
.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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