Some people think that art is an essential subject for children at school while others think that it is a waste of time. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
In
this
contemporary epoch, whilst proponents hold the view that art
is a crucial subject
in the school curriculum, opponents have diverse perspectives. However
, I am a staunch believer that this
subject
is considered a waste of time because it may hinder students from spending sufficient time learning a scientist’s material. Both views, along with
my point of view will be further
explained.
On the one hand, despite disagreeing that art
should be a salient subject
like other core materials, some advocates believe that art
facilitates the intellectual development of children. In other words
, when scholars’ mind is armed with creative skills, they will learn things promptly and efficiently. For example
, a study conducted by the University of Oxford, England, revealed that students who have studied artistry learn a new lesson faster than those who do not. Thus
, what can be said is that crafts are paramount to improving interpersonal skills.
On the other hand
, some people argue that art
is not a practical subject
, and incorporating such
modules in
the curriculum will hamper the pupils’ future. Change preposition
into
This
means that if the learners study other than extra-curriculum
Correct your spelling
extracurricular
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
this
will boost their chances of getting a good job in multinational companies. To illustrate, a recent survey conducted by Times Magazine has shown that many science graduates get better job offers, whereas
some artists are struggling to earn their livelihood. Hence
, scientific subjects are not only vital to gaining a thriving job but also
help in applying to a prestigious university.
In conclusion, after
this
essay has manifested the above-mentioned points, it can be reiterated that even though art
ameliorates cognitive skills, core materials are quintessential to ensure a better future. Therefore
, I am convinced that art
is a complete loss of time and cannot be a subject
to study to earn a living.Submitted by mohammedlotfy2010 on
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task response
The essay doesn't fully address the task prompt. It fails to provide a balanced discussion of both views and gives more weight to the opinion against art as a subject. It should be more neutral in presenting both sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear structure and coherence. The introduction and conclusion are vague and the supporting points lack development and organization. Use signposts, transition words, and clear topic sentences to improve coherence and cohesion.