Some people think that art is an essential subject for children at school while others think that it is a waste of time. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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In
this
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contemporary epoch, whilst proponents hold the view that
art
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is a crucial
subject
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in the school curriculum, opponents have diverse perspectives.
However
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, I am a staunch believer that
this
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subject
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is considered a waste of time because it may hinder students from spending sufficient time learning a scientist’s material. Both views,
along with
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my point of view will be
further
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explained. On the one hand, despite disagreeing that
art
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should be a salient
subject
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like other core materials, some advocates believe that
art
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facilitates the intellectual development of children.
In other words
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, when scholars’ mind is armed with creative skills, they will learn things promptly and efficiently.
For example
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, a study conducted by the University of Oxford, England, revealed that students who have studied artistry learn a new lesson faster than those who do not.
Thus
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, what can be said is that crafts are paramount to improving interpersonal skills.
On the other hand
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, some people argue that
art
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is not a practical
subject
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, and incorporating
such
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modules
in
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into
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the curriculum will hamper the pupils’ future.
This
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means that if the learners study other than
extra-curriculum
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extracurricular
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activity
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activities
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this
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will boost their chances of getting a good job in multinational companies. To illustrate, a recent survey conducted by Times Magazine has shown that many science graduates get better job offers,
whereas
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some artists are struggling to earn their livelihood.
Hence
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, scientific subjects are not only vital to gaining a thriving job but
also
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help in applying to a prestigious university. In conclusion,
after
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this
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essay has manifested the above-mentioned points, it can be reiterated that even though
art
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ameliorates cognitive skills, core materials are quintessential to ensure a better future.
Therefore
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, I am convinced that
art
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is a complete loss of time and cannot be a
subject
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to study to earn a living.
Submitted by mohammedlotfy2010 on

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task response
The essay doesn't fully address the task prompt. It fails to provide a balanced discussion of both views and gives more weight to the opinion against art as a subject. It should be more neutral in presenting both sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear structure and coherence. The introduction and conclusion are vague and the supporting points lack development and organization. Use signposts, transition words, and clear topic sentences to improve coherence and cohesion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • self-expression
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving
  • cultural awareness
  • tolerant society
  • STEM subjects
  • employability
  • rigorous subjects
  • curriculum
  • school budgets
  • enriches
  • complements
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