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Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays, fashion has become more important. It is having a negative effect on young people? Do you agree or disagree?

In
this
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 contemporary ,world unique dressing has become more vital and are they negatively affecting teenagers
?.
Change the punctuation
?
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 In
this
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 essay, I will disagree with
this
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 statement.
Firstly
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, I would explore
the
Correct article usage
apply
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fashion becoming part and practice of young blood and moving forward, I prefer discussing whether it's having a bad impact on the younger generations.
To begin
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 with, modern societies have changed their dressing styles over the
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
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 as they are influenced by trendsetters
therefore
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 it is a human tendency that our desires keep on changing in our day-to-day life so It is very important to make ourselves trendy in terms of lifestyles.
For example
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, In the golden ,days adults
would prefer
Wrong verb form
preferred
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 wearing traditional dresses which are now taken a U-turn and nowadays adults
are preferring
Wrong verb form
prefer
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western
Capitalize word
Western
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 dress.
Furthermore
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, fashionable clothes are very vital for teenagers to be confident and show their uniqueness among others
however
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 it would lead to self-satisfaction because human beings are very impulsive towards their outward looks.
For Instance
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, children are always worried about their outer look though they want to look like an actor which they like the most.
On the other hand
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, younger generations may feel comfortable in modern clothes and be very free to wear them around their cities
although
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, they may not feel safe on top of their head they might think of their beauty and get disappointed which is not true and they have to deal with these kinds nervousness in their life. To
Illustrate
Fix capitalization
illustrate
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, In some situations, a person may feel a bit uncomfortable with their dress and that would affect their minds where they would overthink and make assumptions about their looks.
Moreover
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, communities feel shy because they haven't seen
this
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 kind of outfit,
as a result
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, they may judge other people and
this
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 will affect another fashionable person's feelings.
Exemplar
Replace the word
Example
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, In villages, society still tends to be traditional and they would be surprised
by seeing
Change preposition
to see
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 these kinds of modernized kids. In summary, It Is very important to be stylish because It may impress your work culture and
also
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gives
Correct subject-verb agreement
give
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 you more confidence to tackle offshore clients. In my opinion, companies should encourage trendy work cultures for the workers.

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Task Response
The essay addresses the prompt but lacks development and depth in the response. More thorough exploration of the positive effects of fashion on young people and a stronger argument against the negative effects would improve the task response.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear structural progression, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, there is inconsistency in the development of ideas within paragraphs, leading to some confusion. Using clearer topic sentences and ensuring each paragraph supports the main argument would enhance coherence and cohesion.
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