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Band 4.5

Some people believe teenagers should focus on all subjects equally, whereas other people think that they should concentrate only those subjects that they find interesting. Discuss both the views and provide your opinion

#people #teenagers #focus #subjects
In
this
 modern era, some societies think that teenagers have to excel in all skills equally,
on the other
hand
Add the comma(s)
,hand
show examples
 some societies believe that teenagers should be
skillful
Change the spelling
skilful
show examples
 in
one
sector
 that they have strong qualities . I think becoming
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
skilled in
one
sector
 will give more benefits
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 society than becoming an average in a
lot
 of fields. In the forthcoming paragraph, I will explain my arguments and the reason that
support
Change the verb form
supports
show examples
 the conclusion. The
first
 advantage of being excel in
one
sector
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
people
 can put more
focus
 on the field in which they want to be
expert
Correct article usage
an expert
show examples
. Becoming an
expert
 in
one
sector
 means they have competitive advantages, which are different from common society, that can be used in pursuing better occupations and higher income. The more specific skills they have, the more competitive they are in the industry.
Secondly
, putting more
focus
 on
one
sector
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 can prevent
people
 from overthinking and overloading. Putting more
focus
 on
one
 specialization
also
 brings more quality to
people
's
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
. Even being
expert
 in
one
 subject can give more benefit to
people
, there are
also
 disadvantages
such
 as
people
 will be more sylloge and industry will difficult to find talents that have balance skill in some subjects.
On the other hand
, having some expertise in some subjects will bring some advantages to teenagers, but it seems impossible for
people
 who want to be an
expert
 in a
lot
 of sectors. All
people
 only have 24 hours a day. Putting
focus
Add an article
a focus
the focus
show examples
 on a
lot
 of subjects only will make
people
 be
expert
Fix the agreement mistake
experts
show examples
 in no subject at all. They are only average in
sector
Add an article
the sector
a sector
show examples
 they have studied. In brief,
this
 modern era needs a
lot
 of
expert
Fix the agreement mistake
experts
show examples
 in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
different
sector
Fix the agreement mistake
sectors
show examples
. Becoming excellent in
one
sector
 will gain more benefits than becoming average in many sectors.
Submitted by alimr.bri2 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • holistic development
  • interdisciplinary
  • well-rounded knowledge
  • specialized skills
  • passion-driven learning
  • unforeseen future demands
  • balanced approach
  • academic strengths
  • diversified education
  • curriculum breadth
  • specialization
  • career prospects
  • personal development
  • cognitive flexibility
  • adaptability
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