IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe teenagers should focus on all subjects equally, whereas other people think that they should concentrate only those subjects that they find interesting. Discuss both the views and provide your opinion

#people #teenagers #focus #subjects
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In
this
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 modern era, some societies think that teenagers have to excel in all skills equally,
on the other
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hand
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,hand
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 some societies believe that teenagers should be
skillful
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skilful
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 in
one
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sector
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 that they have strong qualities . I think becoming
a
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apply
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skilled in
one
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sector
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 will give more benefits
for
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to
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 society than becoming an average in a
lot
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 of fields. In the forthcoming paragraph, I will explain my arguments and the reason that
support
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supports
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 the conclusion. The
first
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 advantage of being excel in
one
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sector
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are
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is
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people
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 can put more
focus
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 on the field in which they want to be
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expert
Correct article usage
an expert
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. Becoming an
expert
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 in
one
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sector
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 means they have competitive advantages, which are different from common society, that can be used in pursuing better occupations and higher income. The more specific skills they have, the more competitive they are in the industry.
Secondly
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, putting more
focus
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 on
one
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sector
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,
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apply
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 can prevent
people
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 from overthinking and overloading. Putting more
focus
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 on
one
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 specialization
also
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 brings more quality to
people
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's
live
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lives
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. Even being
expert
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 in
one
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 subject can give more benefit to
people
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, there are
also
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 disadvantages
such
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 as
people
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 will be more sylloge and industry will difficult to find talents that have balance skill in some subjects.
On the other hand
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, having some expertise in some subjects will bring some advantages to teenagers, but it seems impossible for
people
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 who want to be an
expert
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 in a
lot
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 of sectors. All
people
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 only have 24 hours a day. Putting
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focus
Add an article
a focus
the focus
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 on a
lot
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 of subjects only will make
people
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 be
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expert
Fix the agreement mistake
experts
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 in no subject at all. They are only average in
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sector
Add an article
the sector
a sector
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 they have studied. In brief,
this
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 modern era needs a
lot
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 of
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expert
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experts
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 in
a
Correct article usage
apply
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different
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sector
Fix the agreement mistake
sectors
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. Becoming excellent in
one
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sector
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 will gain more benefits than becoming average in many sectors.
Submitted by alimr.bri2 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • holistic development
  • interdisciplinary
  • well-rounded knowledge
  • specialized skills
  • passion-driven learning
  • unforeseen future demands
  • balanced approach
  • academic strengths
  • diversified education
  • curriculum breadth
  • specialization
  • career prospects
  • personal development
  • cognitive flexibility
  • adaptability
What to do next:
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