Film stars and music celebrities may earn a great deal of money and live in luxurious surroundings, but many of them lead unhappy lives. Do you agree? To what extent is this the price they pay for being famous?

#film #stars #music #celebrities #money #surroundings #lives #price

Film stars and music

celebrities

may earn a great deal of

money

and live in luxurious surroundings, indeed.

However

, many of them will experience unhappy lives, and I agree with

this

opinion. There are several reasons why famous and rich

people

would still have a chance to live unpleasant lives.

First,

money

does not always bring happiness. In fact, we can gain joyful moments through simple things which are

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

things that we will not have even through

money

such

as having quality time with our

beloved

Correct your spelling

loved

show examples

ones, having good health, eating

some

Correct quantifier usage

apply

show examples

delicious meals, and so on.

On the other hand

, some film stars and

celebrities

seem to have less privacy as they are well-known in public. Since

people

are likely to have eyes on them, they would find it difficult to enjoy their

life

For instance

, when some

celebrities

want to go on holiday with their family to a certain place,

people

in those areas tend to follow them whenever and wherever they are or might bother them by taking pictures of their private

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

secretly. When it happens, it will lead those

celebrities

to have uncomfortable times.

Furthermore

, they may feel depressed and frustrated.

To sum up

, even though they have lots of

money

and live in luxurious surroundings, they can still feel

displeasing

Wrong verb form

displeased

show examples

life

beacuse

Correct your spelling

because

it is still hard to become public figures.

In addition

, they are still human beings or ordinary

people

just like us, and perhaps some of them are living

complicated

Add an article

a complicated

show examples

life

Submitted by melindahthrsyaa on Fri Jul 22 2022

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task response

In the introduction, you should have addressed the specific points mentioned in the prompt and clearly stated your position. Additionally, ensure that your conclusion summarizes the main points and restates your position on the issue.

coherence cohesion

You have mostly used cohesive devices appropriately to connect ideas and progression of the essay. However, make sure to organize your ideas in a more logical structure to enhance coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

250 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

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Film stars and music celebrities may earn a great deal of money and live in luxurious surroundings, but many of them lead unhappy lives. Do you agree? To what extent is this the price they pay for being famous?

Fully explain your ideas

The pictures show information about average income and spending on food and clothes by an average family in the city in the UK.The pictures show information about average income and spending on food and clothes by an average family in the city in the UK.

In some countries, more and more people are becoming interestedin finding out about the history of the house or the building they live in. What are the reason for this? How can people research this?

While many people go to university for academic study, more people should be encouraged to do vocational training because there is a lack of qualified workers such as electricians and plumbers. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well. To what extent do you agree or disagree?