IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

With growing population in cities, more and more people live in a home with small or no outdoor areas. Is it a positive or negative development?

#population #cities #people #home #areas #development
The debate over a
house
 is a hot potato. In the current world, it is undoubtedly true that cities
become
Verb problem
are
show examples
 more growing with population and houses
become
Wrong verb form
are becoming
show examples
small
Correct word choice
smaller
show examples
. It has been observed that nowadays
people
 live in a small flat or an apartment. I will discuss its negative and positive impacts on society in these upcoming paragraphs. There are multiple negative factors associated with a small
house
.
To begin
 with, the top-notch concrete factor is open space.
People
 cannot get a balcony in small houses.
People
 sit on a balcony to refresh their minds and it is not possible in a tiny home.
For example
, my uncle lives in an Everest apartment. It is 1 bhk flat and has no open space on any side. He felt as if he
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 in jail.
In addition
, children cannot get an opportunity to play outdoor games. And do physical activities. So,
it is clear that
 a small home can have a negative impact on society. What is half full for some, may appear half empty for others.
Firstly
, some individuals have a different point of view that tiny flats are not costly. A small
house
 is not expensive and it can be easily brought to it. Flats are cheaper than bungalows. Working
people
 like to live in apartments.
To conclude
, I repeat that there are numerous strong factors supporting small
house
 is not good for children
as well as
 adults.
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 its opposite can be overlooked or controlled constituency, I firmly agree that
people
 live in small houses because of the growing population in big cities.
Submitted by ronak.patel999899 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction and Conclusion Feedback
Improve your introduction by providing a clear and concise background to the topic. Also, ensure that your conclusion summarizes your main points and provides a final opinion or recommendation.
Task Response Feedback
Ensure that your essay addresses all aspects of the topic prompt. Support your ideas with relevant examples and develop them fully to present a clear, comprehensive response.
Coherence and Cohesion Feedback
Work on the logical flow of your essay by using transition words and organizing your ideas coherently. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph supports the main topic and that your ideas are connected throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: