Some people think rich countries should help the poor countries by giving money directly. Others believe that there are other more effective forms of international aid. What’s your opinion? Give reasons for tour answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
During
the
Correct determiner usage
this

It seems that determiner use may be incorrect here.

show examples
tough time, it is controversial whether the wealthy nations should support suffering countries in the form of direct money or other promising approaches. In
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

essay, the reason why another aid is more effective than financial support before my conclusion is reached.
Although
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

the budget can be used to buy
staff
Correct your spelling
stuff

The word staff doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
to alleviate the disastrous impacts of poverty or pandemic, it increases the process of helping as the government of the poor public needs to transform money into food and medicine.
Therefore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, it would be better for suffering nations to get assistance in the form of direct food and medicine so that it reduces the process of helping to result in faster help.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, Thailand took around 7 days to purchase the vaccine for protecting
Covid - 19
Correct your spelling
COVID-19

The words Covid - 19 seem to be misspelled. Consider replacing them.

by the budget supported by the international organization named WHO, during
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

period, a hundred people were killed by the contagious virus.
In addition
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, another assistance, which is more effective than finance is education and technology. With education support, the nation can develop their children and citizens to specialize in various aspects
,
Remove the comma
apply

It appears that you have an unnecessary comma in a compound predicate. Consider removing it.

show examples
and use the education to improve their countries.
For instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, In 1908, the Netherlands sent irrigation engineers to distribute
the
Change the word
their

The word the may be incorrect in this context. Consider changing it.

show examples
expertise about water management to Thai engineers and constructed the first damn in Thailand named Jao Phra ya , which is still being used now.
Hence
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, knowledge is considered for long-term rescue. In conclusion,
according to
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

the aforementioned paragraphs, international aid in the form of food, medicine, and ability is much more beneficial than advocating direct money
due to
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

being more efficient and
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply

It seems that quantifier use may be incorrect here.

show examples
sustainable.
Finally
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, rich countries should select better aid to help poor ones.
Submitted by pantamitsaekong on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Response
Task Response: The response addresses the prompt adequately, presenting arguments for why other forms of aid are more effective but there is room for improvement in structural development and addressing all aspects of the question.
Coherence and Cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of coherence and cohesion, however, there are issues with the logical structure and the introduction and conclusion could be more distinct and impactful. It also needs better organization to make the arguments and examples more effectively linked and developed.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: