IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In many countries today, the eating habits and lifestyle of children are different from those of previous generations. Some people say this has had a negative effect on their health. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Nowadays,
health
Use synonyms
 concerns are being addressed among kids day by day. Their eating style and way of living
are
Verb problem
have
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 changed significantly.
However
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, it is generally argued that it has negative repercussions on their
health
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. I partially agree with
this
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 notion and in the following paragraphs, I
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 discuss reasons with examples to support my opinion. To commence with the facet of agreement, there are myriad things to be shared in its favour. First and foremost, modern technology can affect them badly. In the present era, adolescents usually use different kinds of electronic devices,
for instance
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, mobile phones. The radioactive rays that are produced by these cell phones have many hazardous effects on their brains, eyes and hearts.
Furthermore
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, the quality of food and the way of its making is not up to mark. Most youngsters prefer to eat processed food,
for example
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, ready-to-cook items and goods that are delicious in taste but are too oily.
According to
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 the research, these things deteriorate
health
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, increase cholesterol and reduce the life span of people. Shifting towards the second school of thought, the routine of children has become more accurate.
Due to
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 tough competition around the globe, numerous parents
are
Verb problem
have
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 turned to providing
good
Correct article usage
a good
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 education to their children. For illustration, a large number of students are getting an education and going to school currently as compared to the previous decades and
besides
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 that, they
also
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 have private tuition as well.
Consequently
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, they have to follow a proper schedule
such
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 as getting up early in the morning, taking a nap in the afternoon, going to the institution in the evening and
finally
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 going to bed early at night.
Moreover
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, advancements in the medical realm assist kids in staying fit and healthy. Various kinds of laboratory tests can be taken as the best examples of it. These sorts of inspections
succour
Verb problem
serve
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 them in diagnosing any
types
Fix the agreement mistake
type
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 of
diseases
Fix the agreement mistake
disease
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 before their condition gets
worst
Correct word choice
worse
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. In conclusion, it is commonly opined that the recent way of living and eating is harmful to the
health
Use synonyms
 of offspring. In my opinion, it can have both positive and negative impacts depending upon their preferences and priorities.

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task response
The introduction and conclusion are present but could be more developed and specific to the topic. Ensure that all main points are directly related to the question and support the thesis statement.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is somewhat clear but could be improved. Make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that ideas flow logically from one to the next.
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