Beside a lot of advantages, some people believe that the Internet creates many problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

In
this
sophisticated technology, the
internet
plays a crucial role in everyone’s lives. Some argue that there are massive advantages of the
internet
,
while
others say that it has numerous issues.
This
essay agrees with the latter view, and the reasons behind
this
will be explained in the subsequent paragraphs. The primary reason why it gives rise to plenty of problems is that it makes us lazy.
This
is because a person tends to spend
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most of their
time
on the social media networks
such
as Facebook, Instagram and TikTok, so they do not have
time
to engage in physical activities.
As a result
, sitting in front of the screen for a long
time
leads to obesity-related diseases
such
as diabetes and cholesterol
For example
, a survey in Canada found that a vast majority of people who access the
internet
for a long
time
are more likely to suffer by obesity than others who do not. The other reason why it has many problems is that it usually makes
children
more aggressive.
This
is to say that there is some violent content in video games, so when a child plays
such
types of games, they imitate the violence,
as
Correct word choice
and as
show examples
a result, they show more aggressiveness.
Moreover
,
children
usually compete with each other to win a game and if they do not win, they come into a depression so they start thinking about committing suicide.
For instance
, PUBG is banned in India because many
children
committed suicide
while
playing
this
game over the past few years. In conclusion,
Although
there are many benefits of the
internet
, I believe that it leads to a sedentary lifestyle and
children
usually become violent.

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task response
The essay generally presents a clear argument and provides relevant supporting points, but the examples could be more specific and well-elaborated. More detailed explanations would enhance the task response and coherence.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is somewhat clear, but there are areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The introduction and conclusion are present, but they could be more effectively linked to the main body of the essay. Cohesive devices and transitions could be used more consistently to improve coherence.

Your opinion

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • E-commerce
  • Consumer behavior
  • Virtual marketplace
  • Cybersecurity
  • Digital footprint
  • Return policy
  • Comparison shopping
  • Customer reviews
  • Retail therapy
  • Logistics
  • User interface
  • Payment gateway
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