Beside a lot of advantages, some people believe that the Internet creates many problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
In
this
sophisticated technology, the internet
plays a crucial role in everyone’s lives. Some argue that there are massive advantages of the internet
, while
others say that it has numerous issues. This
essay agrees with the latter view, and the reasons behind this
will be explained in the subsequent paragraphs.
The primary reason why it gives rise to plenty of problems is that it makes us lazy. This
is because a person tends to spend the
most of their Correct article usage
apply
time
on the social media networks such
as Facebook, Instagram and TikTok, so they do not have time
to engage in physical activities. As a result
, sitting in front of the screen for a long time
leads to obesity-related diseases such
as diabetes and cholesterol For example
, a survey in Canada found that a vast majority of people who access the internet
for a long time
are more likely to suffer by obesity than others who do not.
The other reason why it has many problems is that it usually makes children
more aggressive. This
is to say that there is some violent content in video games, so when a child plays such
types of games, they imitate the violence, as
a result, they show more aggressiveness. Correct word choice
and as
Moreover
, children
usually compete with each other to win a game and if they do not win, they come into a depression so they start thinking about committing suicide. For instance
, PUBG is banned in India because many children
committed suicide while
playing this
game over the past few years.
In conclusion, Although
there are many benefits of the internet
, I believe that it leads to a sedentary lifestyle and children
usually become violent.Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task response
The essay generally presents a clear argument and provides relevant supporting points, but the examples could be more specific and well-elaborated. More detailed explanations would enhance the task response and coherence.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is somewhat clear, but there are areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The introduction and conclusion are present, but they could be more effectively linked to the main body of the essay. Cohesive devices and transitions could be used more consistently to improve coherence.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!