IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe the purpose of prison is to punish, while others would argue that rehabilitation is its primary role. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #purpose #prison #rehabilitation #role
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In
this
Linking Words
 present world, the effects of serving imprisonment in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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jail
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 the controversial
issues
Fix the agreement mistake
issue
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 across the world. There is a common belief that the aim of going to prison is punishment,
however
Linking Words
, another panel of people think that spending rehab is its crucial function. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will look at both sides, as well as try to draw some
conclusion
Fix the agreement mistake
conclusions
show examples
 in the
last
Linking Words
 paragraph. On the one hand, it is true that one of the crucial
purpose
Change to a plural noun
purposes
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 of being put behind the bars is punishment due to the fact that criminals can face
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
Change the word
the
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 repercussions of illegal activities.
This
Linking Words
 is because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the prison environment would create a proper situation to confront
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the results of
crime
Correct article usage
the crime
show examples
 as a verdict. There are constant stories about the inmates can be
awareness
Replace the word
aware
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 consciously by undergoing difficult prison
circumstance
Fix the agreement mistake
circumstances
show examples
, so
this
Linking Words
 will apparently have a positive effect
not
Change preposition
on not
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to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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perpetrate again. As a consequence, facing
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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punishment may be effective to change
prisoner’s
Correct article usage
a prisoner’s
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 life.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the
offenders
Use synonyms
 will seemingly feel
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
compunction in terms of their crimes. Serving imprisonment can deter lawbreakers from committing
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
criminal activities again because of feelings of regret.
For example
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, according to the statistics of crime wave search websites in Vietnam, prisoners who have been released from imprisonment have more feelings of regret. As a consequence,
although
Linking Words
offenders
Use synonyms
 would have
tough
Add an article
a tough
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situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
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 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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jail, its environment can lead convicts to feel compunction.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, rehabilitation behind the bars would cause
culprit
Correct article usage
the culprit
show examples
 to launch a new business. Provided that lawbreakers are involved in
rehabilitation
Add an article
a rehabilitation
the rehabilitation
show examples
program
Fix the agreement mistake
programs
show examples
, they will apparently learn an innovative skill to break into
market
Add an article
the market
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, so
offenders
Use synonyms
 who are
skillful
Change the spelling
skilful
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 can be advantageous
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their community,
gain
Correct word choice
and gain
show examples
 more confidence by being
Add an article
an expert
the expert
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expert
Fix the agreement mistake
experts
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. In conclusion, though one of the most important reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 sentencing
offenders
Use synonyms
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
jail is confronting criminals with their illegal actions, and
feeling
Fix the agreement mistake
feelings
show examples
 of regret, rehabilitation can weigh up because of learning
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
new abilities.
Submitted by shokoohghavami on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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