IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes. to what extent do you agree or disagree.

The question
whether
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of whether
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 high school
students
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 should be mandated to
preform
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perform
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 unpaid
community
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service
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 is a subject of ongoing debate.
While
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 some people argue that
this
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 places an unnecessary burden on adolescents, I fully
agrre
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agree
 that making
such
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service
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 compulsory offers incomparable benefits to both the individual and society. The primary argument in
favor
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favour
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 of mandatory
community
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service
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 is the development of social responsibility. In the modern era, many teenagers are insulated from the hardship faced by vulnerable populations,
such
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 as the elderly or the
homless
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homeless
. By engaging in local projects,
students
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 gain exposure to
diverse
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a diverse
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 sense of civic duty.
For example
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, a student volunteering at a food bank develops a firsthand understanding of systemic poverty, which is a far more profound lesson than any derived from a textbook.
Furthermore
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, compulsory
service
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 equips young people with essential life skills that are often overlooked in a traditional academic setting. Working
withing
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within
 a
community
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 requires teamwork, communication, and problem-solving in
a
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apply
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real-world scenarios . These experiences build character and resilience, qualities that are highly valued by universities and future employers. Rather than distracting from academic studies, these activities provide a necessary balance, helping
students
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 become-well rounded individuals capable of contributing meaningfully to the workforce. Admittedly, some critics suggest that "forced" volunteering is a contradiction in terms and may lead to resentment.
However
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, if the programs are integrated thoughtfully into the curriculum, with
students
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 allowed to choose projects that align with their
interests-
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interests, such
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such
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 as enviromental conversation or youth
mentoring-the
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mentoring, the
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 sense of coercion is
minimized
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minimised
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.
Instead
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, it becomes a
strutured
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structured
 opportunity for personal growth. In conclusion, I believe that the implementation of compulsory
community
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service
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 in high schools is a vital educational tool. By fostering empathy and developing practical skills, it ensures that the next generation is not only academically proficient but
also
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 socially
concious
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conscious
 and prepared for the complexities of adult life.

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task response
For task response: your answer is clear and you fully agree. This is good. To be even better, add one more very clear example in the second body part.
task response
For task response: your ideas are strong, but a few word mistakes make some parts less clear. Check spelling so your meaning is always easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: your essay has a clear intro, body, and end. This helps the reader a lot.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: your linking words are good, like 'Furthermore' and 'However'. To improve, make sure each sentence flows smoothly and avoid small grammar mistakes that break the flow.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: each main part has one clear idea and support. This is strong. You can make it even better by using one more simple link between ideas inside paragraphs.
task response
You answer the question well and your position is clear from the start to the end.
task response
You use a real example about a food bank, and this makes your point stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is well organized with clear paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion is clear and matches your main view.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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