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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

With growing population in cities, more and more people live in a home with small or no outdoor areas. Is it a positive or negative development?

#population #cities #people #home #areas #development
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These days,
due to
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 the improvement of big cities, more
people
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 immigrate from the countryside to the cities for their work opportunities.
This
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 is why numerous
people
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 reside in accommodations with narrow or no outdoor spaces. From my point of view,
this
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 development offers both positive and negative effects. On the one hand, one of the benefits of living in a
house
Use synonyms
 that has little or no outdoor spaces is that it is the best alternative for some individuals.
In other words
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, since many
people
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 who move to the cities are poor, they do not have a large amount of money needed to purchase a
house
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.
As a result
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, small houses or flats are the only choices which they can afford.
Moreover
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, It helps
people
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 to save their money. In simple terms, living in a tiny
house
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provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
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 folks with cheaper maintenance costs compared to a big
house
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.
On the other hand
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, the obvious drawback of residing in a small home that has narrow or no outdoor areas is that it can cause harmful effects on child development. To illustrate, children need a large open area to play, which helps to enhance their cognitive and physical development.
In addition
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, it can lead to some health problems.
For example
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, if individuals live in a
house
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 that has no outdoor area, they will have no space for doing exercises.
As a consequence
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, they may have a high risk of obesity. On top of that, it may cause some mental health issues.
That is
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 to say, without a spacious outdoor space, folks will not have a place for relaxation
such
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 as the backyard where a person can be relaxed by spending some time enjoying the beauty of nature. Which can make them feel grumpy or uncomfortable. To summarize,
although
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 living in a shelter with tiny or no outdoor areas provides some advantages, I personally believe that its disadvantages are more significant.
People
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 should consider
this
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 problem and find
the
Correct article usage
a
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 solution
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
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 issue.
Submitted by yanaphon.t on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses clearly on one main point and use transition words to connect ideas between sentences. The logical structure of the essay needs improvement.
task achievement
Address the prompt by discussing both the positive and negative aspects of living in a home with limited outdoor space. Provide more specific examples to support your points and ensure that your ideas are completely developed.
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