IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In some countries, there has been an increase in the number of advertisements that try to persuade children to buy snacks, toys, and other goods. Parents often claim that these ads are unfair. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#countries #advertisements #children #snacks #toys #goods #parents #ads
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In the modern era, marketing is playing a vital role in selling a new
product
Use synonyms
 or doing advertisements.
Children
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 are getting attracted to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fancy
product
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 and influenced to purchase goods.
However
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, their parents are thinking that bad impact on kids’ minds. I will discuss both sides of
this
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 in a paragraph with relevant examples
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also
Correct word choice
and also
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 will give my opinion.
To begin
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 with, social advertising is catching younger ones to buy an online or offline
product
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 through publicity.
This
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 helps to divert
children
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 or young people's minds to try the good and attractive
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product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
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.
Likewise
Linking Words
, TV and the internet are the most popular in society.
For example
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, New smartphone advertising goes through online with different fetcher so
children
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 get more addict to buying new goods or things.
Moreover
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, network marketing is helping the organisation to increase sales by more
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then
Replace the word
than
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 double because
this
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, advertising is reaching every human and society to purchase things.
On the contrary
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,
children
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 are getting more addicted to buying new things.
Likewise
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, bad impact happening on their health and mind because these parents are against advertisements.
For instance
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, nowadays, restaurants are serving burgers, pizza and many other products which are not good for
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children
Change noun form
children's
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 health. That
product
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 makes
children
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 unhealthy and after a few ,years they suffer from big diseases. So, the public thinks nutrition
product
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 advertisements are less in the newspaper but in nutrition is too much on that.
Thus
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, the community should take care to do those products advertisement online which diet is good for offspring. In conclusion, after discussing both views, I favour stopping that ad which is not good
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children
Change preposition
for children
show examples
.so I am urging that company should do that advertise which keep healthy and with a minimum count of news.
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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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