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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

People who decide on a career path early in their lives and keep to it are more likely to have a satisfying working life than those who change jobs frequently. To what extent do you agree or disagree?Write 250 words.

#people #career #path #lives #life #change #jobs
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It is quite common that people
think
Correct pronoun usage
who think
show examples
 of deciding their
career
Use synonyms
path
Use synonyms
 early and stick to it
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 more likely to have a satisfying working
life
Use synonyms
 than those who frequently change jobs.
However
Linking Words
, I strongly disagree with that because we are now entering the era of
startup
Use synonyms
 where changing jobs
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 common and means better pay.
Also
Linking Words
, sticking to
one
Use synonyms
career
Use synonyms
path
Use synonyms
 can make people feel bored and less motivated in
life
Use synonyms
. Recently, with the massive growth of
startup
Use synonyms
 industries, moving from
one
Use synonyms
job
Use synonyms
 to another is
very
Add an article
a very
show examples
 common thing to do and as part of
startegies
Correct your spelling
strategies
 to get a better salary.
In
Change preposition
From
show examples
 most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
startup
Use synonyms
companies
Change noun form
companies'
company's
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perspective
Fix the agreement mistake
perspectives
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, it doesn't matter anymore what is our background and existing
job
Use synonyms
. What matters to them is whether we have the capability to
the
Add a missing verb
do the
show examples
job
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, startups compete with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
conventional companies to hire strong talents. Conventional companies usually are seen as a safe option for most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
hence
Linking Words
 startups will always try to offer better benefit leverage to their candidates.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is getting easier and
also
Linking Words
 common to make a shift in our
career
Use synonyms
path
Use synonyms
 with better pay through
startup
Use synonyms
 industries.
Secondly
Linking Words
, sticking to
one
Use synonyms
path
Use synonyms
 usually
lead
Change the verb form
leads
show examples
 to less motivation and boredom. It is true that if
one
Use synonyms
 wants to be an expert in a particular domain,
one
Use synonyms
 should work for
quite
Add an article
a quite
show examples
long
Correct article usage
a long
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 time in that domain.
However
Linking Words
, being an expert
also
Linking Words
 translates to
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 challenges.
For example
Linking Words
, my uncle is a pensioner from a technology company. He always stick to
one
Use synonyms
job
Use synonyms
 since he had decided
his
Change preposition
on his
show examples
career
Use synonyms
path
Use synonyms
 right after
graduated
Wrong verb form
graduating
show examples
 from
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
college.
However
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 the
job
Use synonyms
 gave him a safe retirement and long-term plan, after 10 to 15 years, he started to feel less motivated to do his
job
Use synonyms
 because it was just the same routine every single day.
Correct your spelling
Therefore
Therfore
Correct your spelling
Therefore
,
through
Change preposition
by
show examples
 changing
Use synonyms
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 frequently, we could face more challenges and keep ourselves motivated with our work and
life
Use synonyms
. To conclude, as we are in the
startup
Use synonyms
 era, changing
job
Use synonyms
 frequently is a common thing to do and the industries are willing to pay more.
In addition
Linking Words
, moving to
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
 occupation will bring new
experience
Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
show examples
Linking Words
hence
Correct word choice
and hence
show examples
 keep us engaged with work and
life
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by miarosmia8 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • career path
  • job satisfaction
  • professional goals
  • climb the career ladder
  • develop expertise
  • long-term commitment
  • financial security
  • varied experiences
  • prevent monotony
  • job security
  • career progression
  • personal preferences
  • industry dynamics
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