IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think that the environment may be destroyed because of tourism. Others, however, believe that it is a way to preserve nature. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #environment #tourism #nature
Many people believe that allowing tourism might adversely affect
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tourist spots.
On the contrary
, some
also
 think of tourism as a means of protecting and taking care of natural resources.
This
 essay will discuss both the views and the points for which I support the latter opinion. On the one hand, the view that the environment is conservated by travellers is reasonable to a certain degree. The main reason is that humans provide a large financial source of money for natural resource management, including park fees, government taxes, and tour operators’ special fees.
For instance
, they could invest in constructing eco-friendly infrastructure and supply a large amount of food,
such
 as the creation of national gardens and wildlife parks for animals, which could lead to decreasing environmental degradation.
Nevertheless
, there is a tourist flow growth, which could account for losing their survivability,
such
 as finding food, and the natural landscape.
In addition
, travelling
also
make
Verb problem
causes
show examples
 a disturbance to wildlife
such
 as hibernation, breeding patterns, and the annoyance of flora
due to
 excessive exploitation of trails and roads.
On the other hand
, there is ample evidence that animals’ natural habitat is destroyed by sightseers. The main reason is that the atmosphere is polluted by vehicles, which could lead to degrading soil and vegetation and making greenhouse houses gas emissions.
For example
, it may be dangerous if animals drink water, which is polluted by the population. Another factor is that visitors may collect the natural resources as memories so that the natural environment can be
destructed
Verb problem
destroyed
show examples
 gradually.
Furthermore
,
this
 could lead to the disruption of natural processes that’s why if humans pick flowers, the flowers will not grow anymore. In conclusion, in spite of the fact that the way of preserving nature is travelling, I would side with the view that they are destroying the natural habitat
due to
 their poor consciousness.
Submitted by un4given.rd on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Improve the organization of your essay to clearly present your ideas. Use clear topic sentences for each paragraph to guide the reader. Ensure that your introduction introduces the topic and gives an overview of your opinion, and that your conclusion summarizes your main points and restates your opinion.
task response
Your essay addresses the task, but it is not fully developed. Include a clear introduction that presents the topic and your opinion, discuss both views in separate body paragraphs, and provide clear examples to support your points. Make sure to present a balanced argument by giving equal weight to both sides of the issue.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: