IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people believe it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both views and give your opinion!

#people #situation #job #shortage #money #situations
In
this
 current world, it is arguable whether we have to accept unideal
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
, like a miserable work situation or not having enough money, or we have to fight back for a better
condition
. From my perspective, there are truths for both views. The following paragraphs will clarify my stance.
Firstly
, tolerating bad things that happen in our lives is not a negative act to do.
Instead
, it will lead to
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better acceptance, so we can manage to deal with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unhappy feelings.
For example
, my closest friend works in a
fast food
Add a hyphen
fast-food
show examples
 chain restaurant. Her salary is only enough to fulfil her daily needs. She is not pretty proud of her achievement, nor is she pleased with
this
condition
. She is just at peace with
this
 circumstance, so she will have less burden to face.
Therefore
, accepting unfortunate
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
 is quite good to do.
Secondly
,
however
, having a
fight
Change the verb form
fighting
show examples
 sense to escalate our poor situation is
also
 a great way out. By having
this
 spirit, we can maximise our potential to reach our goals, whether it is about job
position
Fix the agreement mistake
positions
show examples
 or wage
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
.
For instance
, my oldest brother
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
resigned from 4 companies in a row, right before he
gets
Wrong verb form
got
show examples
 his latest position, which
allows
Wrong verb form
allowed
show examples
 him to gain triple the cash of his first occupation.
Thus
, empowering ourselves to improve our luck is a need. In conclusion, since accepting a bad situation and fighting for a better
condition
 are good things to do, I choose to agree with both of the views.
Submitted by mayaanita.studi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Grammar and Lexical Resource
Be careful with minor grammatical errors and slightly awkward phrasing which can occasionally hinder the clarity of your argument. Regular practice can help you reduce these.
Sentence Variety
Aim to vary your sentence structures more to showcase your linguistic range. This can result in a more engaging and sophisticated essay.
Balanced Discussion
You might consider integrating a more balanced discussion by equally weighing both views before presenting your opinion. This ensures a comprehensive exploration of the topic.
Organization
You have shown a good ability to organize your ideas logically, which makes your essay clear and easy to follow.
Introduction and Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are both effectively structured, providing a clear insight into your understanding of the topic.
Use of Examples
The use of examples from personal experiences significantly supports your main points, making your arguments more persuasive.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • adversity
  • resilience
  • stoicism
  • contentment
  • cope
  • adapt
  • endure
  • persevere
  • settle
  • ambition
  • tenacious
  • determined
  • resourceful
  • optimistic
  • self-improvement
  • proactive
  • initiative
  • transform
  • overcome
  • confront
What to do next:
Look at other essays: