IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Life was better when technology was simpler. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#life #technology
It is argued that life before the advancement of
technology
 was better.
However
, I totally disagree with
this
 considering how the
Correct your spelling
improvement
improvment
Correct your spelling
improvement
 in
technology
 has made it possible for
people
 to connect with a wider community,
in addition
 to increasing the level of productivity.  Many
people
 would not have found their current close friends or their
love
Replace the word
loved
show examples
 ones if
technology
 was still at a basic level.
This
 is because in the past electronic devices
such
 as mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 only had the use for calling
people
 that you already knew, whereas
current
Correct article usage
the current
show examples
 iPhone has functions that enable
people
 to find new friends across the world.
For example
, there are matching apps now that uses advanced AI
technology
 to find other
people
 online with similar interest,
this
technology
as a result
 has helped many
people
 to find their partner.
Moreover
, if
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology
 was still at a basic stage, many
people
 would not have been productive as they are in
this
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 present day. On top of the basic data memorising functions, modern
technology
 can perform complex calculations and predictions based on
alogrithm
Correct your spelling
algorithm
algorithms
.
This
 enables
technology
 to be used by companies to effectively achieve
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 business goal. A great illustration of
this
 is in Brazil’s
Correct your spelling
coffee
coffe
Correct your spelling
coffee
 farm many owners use
technology
 to find out the best timing for
Correct your spelling
coffee
Correct article usage
the coffe
show examples
coffe
Correct your spelling
coffee
 bean harvest,
as a
result
Add the comma(s)
,result
show examples
 the farmers’ production productivity has been increasing. In conclusion, the improvement in
technology
 has raised the quality of humans’
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
 by creating opportunities to meet new
people
 with
common
Add an article
a common
show examples
taste
Fix the agreement mistake
tastes
show examples
, along with helping
people
 to improve
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their efficiency.
Submitted by akichanskk on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: