It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children?

Learning the distinction between
right
and wrong should be given to offspring at an early age. Some believe that punishment can precede
thus
the learning process.
However
, I totally disagree almost entirely with the given statement. To some extent, the question depends on the age of the
child
. To punish a very young
child
is wrong and foolish. Because infants will not understand what is happening or why they are being punished.
Therefore
, once the age is reached, a
child
can be rewarded for good behaviour and discouraged from bad.
This
kind of firm approach will achieve more than harsh punishment, which might lead to many negative consequences for the parents.
Furthermore
, to help
children
understand between
right
and wrong, teachers and parents should first provide good role modelling in their own behaviour, because
children
tend to imitate the behaviour from their closest circumstances.
In addition
, the adults could give the understatement about
right
or wrong with the simple sentences.
This
will help the
child
to absorb the rules more easily. Rather, teachers and parents can use a variety of methods to discipline their young charges,
such
as detention, withdrawal the privileges, and time-out. The adults can
also
make a clear rule for the
children
.
For instance
, they should eat up their food or they will not get a free dessert, or they should apologize after making a mistake.
To conclude
, I totally disagree with the argument that punishment is necessary to discipline
children
.
Although
, as an adult, we should be a good role model for them to learn about what is
right
or wrong.
Submitted by ers.2024 on

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task achievement
Try to make your argument more nuanced by acknowledging the complexity of the issue. For instance, you could mention situations where mild forms of punishment could be effective, even if you disagree with the use of harsh punishment.
coherence and cohesion
Include a wider range of linking words to improve the flow of your essay. This will help to make your argument more cohesive and easier to follow.
task achievement
Support your main points with more detailed examples. This makes your argument more convincing and easier for the reader to understand.
coherence and cohesion
Be cautious with absolute phrases such as 'totally disagree almost entirely,' as they can confuse readers. Aim for clear and consistent expressions of your opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • punishment
  • positive reinforcement
  • consequences
  • time-outs
  • removal of privileges
  • open communication
  • clear expectations
  • consistency
  • fairness
  • disciplinary action
  • proportionate
  • moral values
  • internalization
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