IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people use social media to keep in touch with other people and new events. Do you think advantages of this technology outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #media #touch #events #technology
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Advent
Add an article
The advent
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 of technology has prompt communication accessible. As many say
that
Correct word choice
apply
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that social
media
Use synonyms
 is the best way to access their loved
ones
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
 essay is of the view that the cons
outweighs
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outweigh
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 the pros. It is
of
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 reality that communication is more advance through the
use
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 of
a mobile phones
Correct the article-noun agreement
mobile phones
a mobile phone
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 but
lets
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let's
let us
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 look at the side effects ,
mobile
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the mobile
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 phone has made us
to
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apply
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be anti-social amongst our loved one and family ,
use
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 of social
media
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 has made most individual
to
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apply
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have a sedimentary lifestyle character in the sense that
the
Correct your spelling
they
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 find it so difficult to visit and
hangout
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hang out
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 with friends and
this
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 can attribute to their health issues.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
,Also
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 depression is at
the
Correct article usage
apply
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increase due high rate of isolation because of the
use
Use synonyms
 of social
media
Use synonyms
.
This
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also
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 affects the sight leading to rye problems due to prolong usage of
Correct article usage
the phone
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phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
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 while chatting or working with
the
Correct article usage
apply
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mobile devices.
Furthermore
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, social
media
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 endangers the younger
ones
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 who
uses
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use
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 social
media
Use synonyms
 without the supervision of their elder
ones
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 into logging into
various
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a various
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 website all in the name
getting
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of getting
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 information about recent events.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
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use
Correct article usage
the use
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 of social
media
Use synonyms
 for communication has prevented us from having one on one happy moments with loved
ones
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 and friends. Social
media
Use synonyms
 has really affected lots of young
ones
Use synonyms
 in
there
Replace the word
their
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 academic pursuits
Linking Words
for
Add the comma(s)
,for
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 example, a student prefers to make research online rather than walking down to the school library to make research
with
Change preposition
apply
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the ancient
Correct your spelling
textbook
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text book
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textbook
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 written and reviewed by great teachers and philosophers. In conclusion, am of the view in
this
Linking Words
 essay that the side effects
outweighs
Correct subject-verb agreement
outweigh
show examples
 the advantages.
Submitted by adaobihedioha12 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • social media platforms
  • instant communication
  • real-time updates
  • global connectivity
  • community engagement
  • misinformation
  • mental health impacts
  • cyberbullying
  • productivity loss
  • virtual relationships
What to do next:
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