IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people use social media to keep in touch with other people and new events. Do you think advantages of this technology outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #media #touch #events #technology
Advent
Add an article
The advent
show examples
 of technology has prompt communication accessible. As many say
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
that social
media
 is the best way to access their loved
ones
,
this
 essay is of the view that the cons
outweighs
Change the verb form
outweigh
show examples
 the pros. It is
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 reality that communication is more advance through the
use
 of
a mobile phones
Correct the article-noun agreement
mobile phones
a mobile phone
show examples
 but
lets
Replace the word
let's
let us
show examples
 look at the side effects ,
mobile
Add an article
the mobile
show examples
 phone has made us
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
be anti-social amongst our loved one and family ,
use
 of social
media
 has made most individual
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
have a sedimentary lifestyle character in the sense that
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 find it so difficult to visit and
hangout
Correct your spelling
hang out
show examples
 with friends and
this
 can attribute to their health issues.
Also
Add a comma
,Also
show examples
 depression is at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
increase due high rate of isolation because of the
use
 of social
media
.
This
also
 affects the sight leading to rye problems due to prolong usage of
Correct article usage
the phone
show examples
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 while chatting or working with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mobile devices.
Furthermore
, social
media
 endangers the younger
ones
 who
uses
Change the verb form
use
show examples
 social
media
 without the supervision of their elder
ones
 into logging into
various
Add an article
a various
show examples
 website all in the name
getting
Change preposition
of getting
show examples
 information about recent events.
Consequently
,
use
Correct article usage
the use
show examples
 of social
media
 for communication has prevented us from having one on one happy moments with loved
ones
 and friends. Social
media
 has really affected lots of young
ones
 in
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
 academic pursuits
for
Add the comma(s)
,for
show examples
 example, a student prefers to make research online rather than walking down to the school library to make research
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the ancient
Correct your spelling
textbook
show examples
text book
Correct your spelling
textbook
show examples
 written and reviewed by great teachers and philosophers. In conclusion, am of the view in
this
 essay that the side effects
outweighs
Correct subject-verb agreement
outweigh
show examples
 the advantages.
Submitted by adaobihedioha12 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: