IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people are of the view that industries and multinational companies, and not the government, should pay for the cost of ways to clean up the pollution they have created. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In recent years, giant organizations and
industries
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contribute
Wrong verb form
have contributed
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 significantly to polluting the
environment
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. A few environmentalists
,
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apply
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 believe that these companies should be accounted for clearing the pollution,
while
Linking Words
 the other few claim the
government
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 should be in charge of reviving the
environment
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. In my opinion,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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industries
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 and companies should spend on clearing the waste they
contributed
Wrong verb form
contribute
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 to the surroundings. I will explain both views in the forthcoming passages.
To begin
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 with,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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industries
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 and businesses pollute the land, and water and exploit natural resources to an upper limit mainly to increase profits. If the industrialists are made liable to pay for alleviating the pollution problems, they will take more deliberate actions to limit the harmful effluents in the waterbodies and toxic fumes into the air.
For example
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, a leading car manufacturer in south India pays heftily
in incinerating
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to incinerate
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 the wastes they dump into the surroundings.
This
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 is the most feasible idea to preserve the ecosystem.
On the other hand
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, the
government
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 that collects exorbitant taxes from the
industries
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 should allocate funds to maintain the
environment
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 clean and tidy.
For instance
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, the Indian
government
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 collect 30% of the company's revenue as tax every year and spends one-third of the tax amount to mitigate challenges caused by pollution. By doing so, the
environment
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 and the bio-diversity are conserved to an extent.
To conclude
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, I strongly feel that the organizations that earn millions of dollars by exploiting and depleting natural resources should be obliged to pay huge sums to revive the
environment
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 rather than
exerting
Wrong verb form
exert
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 pressure on the
government
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 to pay for clearing the toxic
wastage
Replace the word
waste
show examples
.

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task achievement
Your introduction clearly states the topic and your opinion. However, consider refining the phrasing for clarity. Instead of 'giant organizations and industries contribute significantly to polluting the environment', you could say 'giant organizations and industries are significant contributors to environmental pollution.'
coherence cohesion
In your body paragraphs, ensure each point is fully developed. For example, when discussing government responsibilities, you could delve deeper into how those taxes are spent specifically on pollution clean-up.
coherence cohesion
Make sure that the language and connection between ideas are smooth. For instance, you can use more varied linking words to enhance transitions between sentences and paragraphs, which could improve the overall flow of your essay.
task achievement
Your opinion is clearly stated, and you effectively justify it by providing reasons.
task achievement
The use of examples, such as the Indian government tax structure, demonstrates an understanding of the topic and adds credibility to your arguments.
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