IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that children should do what their parents tell them to do; others think children must learn to think for themselves. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some
people
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 think that
children
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 should be forced to do what their parents order,
whereas
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some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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others believe that
children
Use synonyms
 should be able to think and decide on their own. In
this
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 essay, I am going to examine
this
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 question from both points of view and
then
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 give my own opinion on the matter. On one side of the argument, there are
people
Use synonyms
 who argue that the benefits of kids obeying their parents considerably outweigh its disadvantages. The main reason for believing
this
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 is that
children
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 don't have the ability to make reasonable decisions and think logically.
Furthermore
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, it can
also
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 be said that a child's brain is not as developed as an adult's mind, and
that is
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 why
children
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 can be controlled by their desires and feelings,
while
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 adults can never be controlled by their emotions.
As a result
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, parents as adults can make rational decisions for their
children
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.
On the other hand
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, it is
also
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 possible to make
the
Correct article usage
an
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 opposing case. It is often argued that in fact
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 should learn how to think critically And their opinions should be taken into account.
To begin
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,
people
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 often have
this
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 opinion because ,from their perspective,
children
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 should be independent and must learn how to take action and how to react to their environments.
Additionally
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, a second point is that if kids are controlled in childhood, they cannot develop a complex personality based on the characteristics of their lives.
For instance
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, a particularly good example here is that the old generation has no special personality,
while
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 the new generation has its own characteristics because the youth in contemporary life
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 the freedom to think for themselves. In conclusion, I believe both arguments have their merits. On balance,
however
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, I feel that
children
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 should be able to think logically and act based on their opinions in different situations.
This
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 is because if kids have freedom of action and can develop their own ideas, they will become independent and capable
people
Use synonyms
 in the future to contribute more to society.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea. This helps the reader understand your points better.
task achievement
Try to use more specific examples to support your points. This makes your arguments stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs. You can use linking words to make it smoother.
task achievement
The introduction can be clearer. State your position more directly to guide the reader.
task achievement
You presented a balanced view on both sides of the argument. This is a good approach for this type of essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your opinion and the main points discussed in the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • obey
  • authority
  • guidance
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • beneficial
  • harmful
  • mistakes
  • independent
  • critical thinking
  • creativity
  • problem-solving
  • responsibility
  • self-reliance
  • opinion
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