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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The student who study from the school to university get benefit less and contribute less too, than those of student who go to travel or job and get skills and experience before going high. Do you agree or disagree?

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In today's modern society, it is assumed that students who apply for a job or take a trip to other places before they start higher education are more likely to get benefits and make more contributions to society rather than those who only focus on their studies at
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
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. With regard to the statement, I personally agree with it and the following essay will discuss it in detail.
To begin
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 with, many learners
this
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 day decide to enrol directly on universities right after they have finished their secondary education. And it is supposed to have some weak points.
Firstly
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, the lack of real-life experiences has adverse effects on their studies.
Besides
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, high academic marks and being equipped with in-depth knowledge of their industries do not ensure to have a good social position and career path.
For example
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, in
Viet Nam
Correct your spelling
Vietnam
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, many cases of unemployment which relate to graduates have been surveyed and most of them have to return to their hometowns or be tied with blue-collar, low-paid posts.
On the other hand
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, those who take part in a part-time job or experience new environments are believed to gain more success in their careers. The principal reason behind
this
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 is that it is an ideal environment to comprehend exclusive skills
as well as
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 practical experience which is essential for their future.
For instance
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, those who have experience
of
Change preposition
in
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 real life tend to perform better in time and money management
as well as
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 often make more rational decisions than others. In conclusion, I believe that taking a job or a trip before they start higher education is a much better choice than only concentrating on studying from school to university because it will give them invaluable perspectives on all aspects of life.

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coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is adequate, but there could be more clarity and precision in connecting ideas. Work on presenting a clearer progression of ideas throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and address the topic effectively. Keep up the good work in providing clear and comprehensive ideas throughout the essay!
task achievement
The response to the task is largely complete and demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic. Ensure that ideas are expressed with more precision and directly address the prompt.
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