There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result some people believed that non academic subjects such as physical education and cookery should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#pressure #people #subjects #education #cookery #school #syllabus #children #work

Nowadays young scholars are pressured to be successful academically.

Consequently

Add a comma

,Consequently

show examples

some people are of the opinion that unscholarly courses should be excluded from the school curriculum. I differ

Change preposition

from

show examples

this

statement for some reasons which will be discussed in

this

essay. Out of all the reasons,the foremost one is that there

are

Change the verb form

show examples

variety

Add an article

a variety

show examples

of new jobs emerging in the world today. Professions like YouTubers,

content

Correct word choice

and content

show examples

writers were never imagined in the past and they are not learnt from classical subjects like maths and science. Those fields of work require a different set of

skill

Fix the agreement mistake

skills

show examples

which cannot be acquired solely by excelling academically.

Moreover

Add a comma

,Moreover

show examples

some

pupil

Fix the agreement mistake

pupils

show examples

tend to find hobbies in extracurricular activities.

Additionally

non academic

Add a hyphen

non-academic

show examples

subjects like sports

seems

Change the verb form

seem

show examples

to improve the mental and physical well-being of a child. Some researchers believed that children who engaged in physical activities tend to have great cognitive skills and

also

Correct your spelling

excel

excell

Correct your spelling

excel

in their studies.

Furthermore

,cookery classes will

also

encourage the young scholars on the need to eat healthy which is a gateway to

healthy

Add an article

a healthy

show examples

life. Other subjects like music can be beneficial to the life of a student,

For

instance

Add a comma

,instance

show examples

it is supposed to have a calming effect,

as a result

this

the stress from tedious

Correct your spelling

classwork

class works

classworks

Correct your spelling

classwork

associated with mathematics can be relieved. In conclusion,it is important for students to succeed in their academic

pursuit

Fix the agreement mistake

pursuits

show examples

. It seems to be unreasonable to completely delete unscholarly school work from the syllabus which can help them acquire life skills while creating a wider range of career opportunities in the future.

Submitted by queeneth516 on Sat Jul 30 2022

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

253 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.5

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

Topic Vocabulary:

pressure
succeed
academically
non-academic
physical education
cookery
school syllabus
concentrate
academic work
well-rounded
enhancement
practical skills
balanced education system

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

4.5
band
Many FPTU students use their phones and laptops to play games during the English lessons. What problems does this cause? What can be done to solve this problem?
Using phones and laptops for working or studying is convenient, but many FPTU students use their phones and laptops to play games during lessons, especially English lessons. In my point of view, this problem is affecting education , their study, and so on. So we need to understand several problems as well as solutions for this.
7
band
Some animal species are now completely extinct. Many people believe that we should prevent this from happening in the future. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?
The extinction of some animal species is an unfortunate reality of our time. As this issue becomes more pressing, many people argue that we should take action to prevent further extinctions. I strongly agree with this viewpoint, as I believe that preserving biodiversity is crucial for both environmental and ethical reasons.
4
band
It is imporatnt for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age.Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction.To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?What sort of punishment should parents and teahcers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children?
Children are the most powerful asset of a nation . They are the backbone of a society . children are pliable therefore it's our duty to mould them in a good way so that they can lead a well-settled Lifestyle . One of the most conspicuous trends of today's world is a colossal upsurge in the number of people who believe that it is crucial to learn the difference between right and wrong furthermore if needed parents or teachers are allowed to punish offspring to teach them about right behaviour . There is a range of conflicting arguments related to the assertion. Somehow , I vehemently Agree with the notion. In the succeeding monograph, I intend to delve into the matter as well as proffer examples to justify my point of view
5.5
band
Some people think they have the right to use as much water as they want. Others, however, believe that the government should control the use of fresh water as it is a limited resource. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
The discussions about whether government should increase regulation of water use have become increasingly common in recent years. Some people think that how much they use is their authority, but I am more agree with the view that government should have more control about water use.
6.5
band
Some believe the primary purpose of museums is to entertain people, while others believe their purpose is to educate. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Museums fulfil different things for different people. On the one hand, many people feel a museum’s primary purpose is to entertain. However, others feel they function to foster understanding. Both arguments will be analysed before a conclusion is declared.

Fully explain your ideas

Many FPTU students use their phones and laptops to play games during the English lessons. What problems does this cause? What can be done to solve this problem?

Some animal species are now completely extinct. Many people believe that we should prevent this from happening in the future. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some people think they have the right to use as much water as they want. Others, however, believe that the government should control the use of fresh water as it is a limited resource. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some believe the primary purpose of museums is to entertain people, while others believe their purpose is to educate. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.