There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result some people believed that non academic subjects such as physical education and cookery should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#pressure #people #subjects #education #cookery #school #syllabus #children #work

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

Nowadays young scholars are pressured to be successful academically.

Linking Words

Consequently

Add a comma

,Consequently

show examples

some people are of the opinion that unscholarly courses should be excluded from the school curriculum. I differ

Change preposition

from

show examples

this

Linking Words

statement for some reasons which will be discussed in

this

Linking Words

essay. Out of all the reasons,the foremost one is that there

are

Change the verb form

show examples

variety

Add an article

a variety

show examples

of new jobs emerging in the world today. Professions like YouTubers,

content

Correct word choice

and content

show examples

writers were never imagined in the past and they are not learnt from classical subjects like maths and science. Those fields of work require a different set of

skill

Fix the agreement mistake

skills

show examples

which cannot be acquired solely by excelling academically.

Linking Words

Moreover

Add a comma

,Moreover

show examples

some

pupil

Fix the agreement mistake

pupils

show examples

tend to find hobbies in extracurricular activities.

Additionally

Linking Words

non academic

Add a hyphen

non-academic

show examples

subjects like sports

seems

Change the verb form

seem

show examples

to improve the mental and physical well-being of a child. Some researchers believed that children who engaged in physical activities tend to have great cognitive skills and

also

Linking Words

Correct your spelling

excel

excell

Correct your spelling

excel

in their studies.

Furthermore

Linking Words

,cookery classes will

also

Linking Words

encourage the young scholars on the need to eat healthy which is a gateway to

healthy

Add an article

a healthy

show examples

life. Other subjects like music can be beneficial to the life of a student,

For

Linking Words

instance

Add a comma

,instance

show examples

it is supposed to have a calming effect,

as a result

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

the stress from tedious

Correct your spelling

classwork

class works

classworks

Correct your spelling

classwork

associated with mathematics can be relieved. In conclusion,it is important for students to succeed in their academic

pursuit

Fix the agreement mistake

pursuits

show examples

. It seems to be unreasonable to completely delete unscholarly school work from the syllabus which can help them acquire life skills while creating a wider range of career opportunities in the future.

Submitted by queeneth516 on Sat Jul 30 2022

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.5

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

253 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

pressure
succeed
academically
non-academic
physical education
cookery
school syllabus
concentrate
academic work
well-rounded
enhancement
practical skills
balanced education system

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6.5
band
Cities should be designed to be attractive for local people and foreign tourist. Do you agree or disagree?
Urban areas must be visualized to attract locals and tourists worldwide. This statement is interesting and I fully agree with that. Attractive design will not only improve the popularity but also improve the tourism sector which both benefit the local economy.
<4
band
Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree? You should write at least 250 words.
In my opinion, it depends on what poorer countries need to deloveped their country. Some poorer countries need financial aid to slove their poverty and some countries need the supplier. As you can see, during Covid pandemic poorer countries highly need supporting from the rich countries. Thus, some poorer countries need Covid-nineteenth vaccination and medical supply to offer to their people and some need financial aid to support their country economic while they were lockdown so most of the countries affected not only poorer countries. For example: In Cambodia which is the developing country so they need the money flow from the rich countries to support their economic leading to attract investors and consequences to get more potential and opportunity to offering people to get job in order to improve their GDP. Furthermore, they either need supporting from tourism from the rich countries because eighty percent of income comes from tourists so turism is entire part of economy so it i...
5
band
Some people believe zoos are good places for people to learn about animals. Other people believe animals belong in nature and it is wrong to keep them in zoos. What do you think? Explain, giving specific reasons for your choice.
In the third millennium, protecting of animals is one of most burning issues. Openinions about how ought to keep species are divided as to wheter keep them inside an isolated environment or leave animals alone in nature. Hence, this essay will delve into details of both point of view and provide some tentalizing reasons why zoos have better condition.
6.5
band
Some people believe we should visit place to know the culture whereas others think internet and books are good source of information. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
The importance of learning culture by using the internet and books which was always debatable has now become more controversial with many people claiming that it is beneficial while others reject this notion. The substantial influence of this trend has sparked controversy over the potential impact in recent years. In my opinion, visiting a place to understand culture appears to be more rational but practically not possible. This essay will further elaborate my views and thus lead to a logical conclusion. Both positive and negative effects and thus will lead to a logical conclusion.
7
band
Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes(for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extend do you agree or disagree?
Issues related to the events outside the classroom are frequently discussed these days. It is argued that the society service without pay should be enforced to the high school programmes. I firmly agree with this assertion and this essay will provide further examples and explanations to support my viewpoint.

Fully explain your ideas

Cities should be designed to be attractive for local people and foreign tourist. Do you agree or disagree?

Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree? You should write at least 250 words.

Some people believe zoos are good places for people to learn about animals. Other people believe animals belong in nature and it is wrong to keep them in zoos. What do you think? Explain, giving specific reasons for your choice.

Some people believe we should visit place to know the culture whereas others think internet and books are good source of information. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes(for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extend do you agree or disagree?