In many countries, too much money was spent by government and individuals on national celebration such as New Year and religious festivals. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

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It is often argued that spending amount of money on national celebrations

such

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as New

year

Capitalize word

Year

show examples

and various kinds of festivals by the

government

Use synonyms

or individuals today. As far as I am concerned,

although

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there might be arguments supporting

that is

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wasteful to spend an amount of money to conduct these festivals. I completely agree with the statement on

this

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expense and

this

Linking Words

essay will discuss my personal opinions regarding the

government

Use synonyms

's output on national events. First of all, Festival events have a vital connection with the cultural identity of the communities

who

Correct pronoun usage

that

show examples

celebrate them. One of the first benefits of

this

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situation is to improve people's mindset on how important cultural identity and cultural recognition are. In

this

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sense, if these events were not held in society, it would cause a lack of understanding of

cultural

Correct article usage

the cultural

show examples

distinctive lifestyles that are associated with and they

will

Wrong verb form

would

show examples

go extinct.

For example

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, in my country, Indonesia, the

government

Use synonyms

often held festival ceremonies in society every month.

As a result

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, various kinds of cultures in Indonesia are still preserved which can be implemented for people's lifestyles.

On the other hand

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, despite the advantages, there are

also

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drawbacks for the

government

Use synonyms

that

needed

Wrong verb form

need

show examples

to be concerned about. The negative side would be that the outlay can be spent on other aspects which have an enormous impact on the community directly.

This

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would mean that the capital can be gifted to the development of public facilities

such

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as transportation, medical

centre

Fix the agreement mistake

centres

show examples

etc.

For instance

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, in my country's neighbour, Singapore, the state tends to spend an amount of capital on public facilities in order to have good quality services rather than spending their capital on the national celebrations that make people who live in Singapore feel comfortable and convenient as well.

To sum up

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, I

belives

Verb problem

believe

show examples

that spending a lot of cost on festival activities indeed gives benefits to society.

However

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, the higher authorities who control the country's expenditure should

also

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keep balancing between national celebrations and other aspects.

hendonhp27Mon Aug 01 2022

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task achievement

Ensure clear and concise expression of ideas to improve clarity and comprehension. Simplify complex sentence structures.

task achievement

Align your argument more directly with the prompt's focus. Clearly establish your position and build a stronger argument.

coherence cohesion

Define paragraphs more distinctly to enhance logical flow and readability.

task achievement

You provide relevant examples to support your points, showcasing your ability to relate to personal and national contexts.

coherence cohesion

Your essay features a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a solid framework for your discussion.

coherence cohesion

Successfully explores benefits and drawbacks, attempting to balance the discussion.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

333 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

excessive spending
allocate resources
pressing needs
temporary pleasure
cultural heritage
fostering community
national pride
boost the economy
promoting tourism
social cohesion
investment in cultural preservation
budgeting and planning
moderation and strategic planning
cost-effective
vital areas

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In many countries, too much money was spent by government and individuals on national celebration such as New Year and religious festivals. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

Can money bring happiness to people? Should people rather focus on moral values instead?

Globalization is creating a world of one culture and destroying national identity. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

More and more businesses, as well as individuals, are choosing to communicate either professionally or socially using technology rather than face-to face. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Public transport should be funded by government so that it can be free for the people who use it. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?