IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

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The phenomenon of
children
 using smartphones all day has been growing up.
This
 case becomes common and I consider
this
 a positive development. One reason is during the COVID-19 pandemic when lockdowns were implemented in many regions of the world.
Therefore
, students do not participate in outdoor
activities
 and technology makes it easier for their
activities
such
 as playing games or studying. And they can save money on travel and online
activities
 are always available.
However
, the benefits of technology make them get into the habit of using their
phone
 every day. I consider
this
 trend a negative for a number of reasons. The
first
 reason for my belief is using the
phone
 all day with regard to diseases
such
 as being overweight. When using the
phone
 full time, we focus on the
phone
 because the games and work are on the
phone
.
This
 makes them likely to go out to take part in the activity outdoors. Nutritionists of ABS University Vietnam did some research about the number of
children
 overweight.
As a result
, 50% of
children
 are overweight due to inactivity because of spending time on phones.
Secondly
, after a long time using the
phone
, the skills
such
 as time-management, basic
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
, and problem-solving may be limited.
This
 creates disadvantages when in a real environment.
For example
, according to a recent survey conducted by the National University of Vietnam, 65% of
children
 have difficulty
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
communicating with others. In conclusion, there are various negative consequences of using phones in
children
 and appropriate steps need to be taken to tackle these problems by letting
children
 participate in more outdoor
activities
.
Submitted by thientrang1616 on

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