The government and individuals are spending too much money on national celebrations like new year or festivals. Do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is
a
Change the article
an
show examples
opinion that
state
Correct article usage
the state
show examples
and a number of people
have
Add the particle
tohave
show examples
spend
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
too
Replace the word
to
show examples
Use synonyms
money
Correct quantifier usage
much money
show examples
on
prevelent
Correct your spelling
prevalent
celebrations
Use synonyms
in the country
such
Linking Words
as
new
Add an article
a new
the new
show examples
year or other
festivals
Use synonyms
. It seems to me that the idea
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is mentioned above
completely
Add a missing verb
is completely
show examples
unacceptable.
In
Change preposition
This
show examples
this
Linking Words
essay will be shown why
this
Linking Words
argument is
inconvinent
Correct your spelling
inconvenient
for me
through
Change preposition
for
show examples
two main reasons. To
begining
Correct your spelling
begin
with, people have been spending very much time
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
working in order to earn
money
Use synonyms
and live appropriate life conditions involve possessing a
Correct your spelling
beautiful
beatiful
Correct your spelling
beautiful
house, car or clothes. Due to working hard and hours which pass for
job
Add an article
the job
a job
show examples
,
employess
Correct your spelling
employees
employers
are seeking
entertainement
Correct your spelling
entertainment
opportunities for leaving stress that they have been exposed in work.
Therefore
Linking Words
, these
festivals
Use synonyms
or
celebrations
Use synonyms
supply a
relexing
Correct your spelling
relaxing
time to working
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, a white-collar who goes job
Correct your spelling
everyday
eveyday
Correct your spelling
every
and
want
Correct subject-verb agreement
wants
show examples
to find
a
Change the article
an
show examples
enjoyable activity
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
has a tendency to attend
festivals
Use synonyms
and spend
money
Use synonyms
on diverse tools.
Thus
Linking Words
,
invidual
Correct your spelling
individual
Correct your spelling
expenses
show examples
expences
Correct your spelling
expenses
show examples
to national
celebrations
Use synonyms
necessary for people
such
Linking Words
as workers.
Second
Linking Words
of all,
Correct your spelling
nobody
show examples
no body
Correct your spelling
nobody
show examples
would dispute the fact that the state not only has responsibility
about
Change preposition
for
show examples
building roads and
barages
Correct your spelling
barrages
barges
garages
or protecting citizens
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
but
also
Linking Words
should support cultural activities
inclode
Correct your spelling
include
particularly common national days. Because
Linking Words
this kind
Fix the agreement mistake
these kinds
show examples
of
Use synonyms
celebrations
Fix the agreement mistake
celebration
show examples
provide
Change the verb form
provides
show examples
national uniting, the governments
prone
Add a missing verb
are prone
show examples
to hold
festivals
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, 4
july
Change the capitalization
July
show examples
when is
independent
Add an article
an independent
the independent
show examples
day of the USA, has been celebrated by citizens of
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
contributing
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
Correct your spelling
president
precedent
presedent
Correct article usage
the presedent
show examples
.
Hence
Linking Words
,
festivals
Use synonyms
or
celebrations
Use synonyms
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
held by
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
could not be considered a waste of
money
Use synonyms
. To
Correct your spelling
summarise
show examples
summerize
Correct your spelling
summarize
show examples
, evaluation of
expence
Correct your spelling
expense
on
festivals
Use synonyms
which are celebrated by state or person
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
is not logical for me.
Submitted by myurt4848 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: