The diagrams below give information about the manufacture of frozen fish pies.

The diagrams below give information about the manufacture of frozen fish pies.
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The diagram
illustrate
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illustrates
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the process of making frozen fish pies. Clearly,
this
is a complex process that requires a range of
ingredient
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ingredients
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and workers. Prior to the processing of making fish pies, the potatoes have to be delivered
up
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for up
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to one month. When the box of potatoes
arrive
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arrives
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,
firstly
, it should be clean.
Then
sharp
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sharpen
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the peel and
putting
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put
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into waste disposal.
The
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In the
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next
step, the potatoes must be sliced in order to boil and chill.
Finally
, it can be stored. The fresh
salmon
should
delivered
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deliver
be delivered
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12 hours or less before
manufactured
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being manufactured
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. First of all,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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fresh
salmon
is added
on
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to
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lemon juice and salt.
Then
steam
to
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in
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the oven. The
works
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workers
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then
remove the skin and bones from the
salmon
.
As a result
, the process may produce waste disposal.
Next
, the fresh
salmon
is inspected by an employee. After preparing peas and sauce, all the ingredients are wrapped simultaneously. Freeze the fish pies for a
while
, and
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
can be dispatched.
Submitted by c5101502 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "next".
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words salmon with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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