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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Children now adays spend a great deal of time watching television, however, television cannot replace the book as a learning tool which is why children are less well- educated today to what extend do you agree or disagree.

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In
this
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 contemporary era,
Internet
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the Internet
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 has been a boon to a society where the computer has replaced all other old-fashioned methods of learning. Kids do tend to spend a lot of duration on the screen rather than studying from books. I disagree with the above statement that children watching television tend to be less well-educated.In the upcoming paragraphs, I will
thorough
Correct your spelling
through
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 my points.
Firstly
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,technology has replaced all previous methodologies to grow and build
thus
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 why can't studies be a part of it,the benefits of e-learning are detailed content of subjects, e-books easily available and affordable with the vast expansion of the internet all over the globe,world-class lecturers available online with their experience.
For example
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, In
this
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 Pandemic era ,it was difficult for cohorts to migrate to other countries for higher education where online courses were the only options left.As per the survey of Oxford University, the results of
such
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 students proved to be extraordinary compared to the old-style method of attending college.
Furthermore
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, online courses have more benefits as
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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saves
Correct subject-verb agreement
save
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 time and money which
put
Wrong verb form
puts
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 less burden on their parents because of
which
Correct pronoun usage
this
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 they tend to study more subjects and courses at a time with management skills which prove to be additional benefits in
long
Correct article usage
the long
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 term apart from
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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they even get time to nourish their other skills at the same moment.
For example
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, Tejas, a Nirma University student studied MBA
as well as
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 passed UPSC in the same period.
Although
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 the human touch may be lost ,being on screen for a long duration may prove fatal to the eye yet the pros
overweigh
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outweigh
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 the cons.
To conclude
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,the world is moving at a faster pace and to run with it new methods have to be adopted.Self-dedication can prove no new reforms can change their goal.

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task response
Ensure that each paragraph directly addresses the prompt and fully develops the main points.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is good, but there should be a stronger link between paragraphs.
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