People live longer today and so people should stay in the workforce longer. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #workforce

Today is known as the era of an

aging

Change the spelling

ageing

show examples

society. From

this

aspect, questions about whether

individuals

live longer today and so they should stay in the

workforce

longer arise. In my opinion, they should stay in the

workforce

longer. Irrefutably, the young are more likely to struggle with a financial burden.

This

is because, with retirement from the

labor

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labour

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force, the young who live with retired family members must manage household finances and pay more taxes associated with the pension system.

This

obviously discourages young

individuals

from supporting their families, leading to family conflicts and the isolation of the elderly.

Furthermore

although

the difficulties of the

workforce

cannot be overlooked, there are significant mental and physical health benefits for the elderly who remain employed. Studies have shown that older

individuals

who stay in the

workforce

are less likely to suffer from stress related to

aging

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ageing

show examples

issues,

such

as loneliness.

Additionally

, they have opportunities to maintain their physical condition through regular commuting and active work.

Nevertheless

, the freedom for

individuals

to leave the

labor

Change the spelling

labour

show examples

force is significant. After dedicating their entire lives to work, retirees deserve the chance to pursue their dreams and enjoy activities they love.

Thus

, retirement can provide the opportunity for a better quality of life. To recapitulate,

while

the freedom to retire is important, the young are more likely to struggle with financial burdens, and the elderly can benefit from increased mental and physical health by staying in the

workforce

Therefore

, I believe

individuals

should stay in the

workforce

longer.

Submitted by subin12260 on Thu May 16 2024

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task achievement

While your essay provides a clear stance and comprehensive coverage of the topic, adding more specific examples would make your argument stronger. For instance, citing particular studies or real-life examples about the benefits of elderly workforce participation would enrich your points.

coherence cohesion

To further improve coherence and cohesion, ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Introducing linking phrases like 'In addition to', 'Moreover', or 'Conversely' at the beginning of paragraphs can further connect your ideas seamlessly.

introduction conclusion present

Your introduction sets the stage well and clearly states your position on the topic, which is crucial for a high score.

logical structure

The essay has a logical structure with a clear progression of ideas, supporting the main arguments effectively.

clear comprehensive ideas

You provide clear and comprehensive ideas that address the task prompt fully, offering a balanced view of the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

254 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

life expectancy
financial resources
retirement fund
cognitive functions
social interaction
wealth of experience
expertise
social security systems
dependency ratio
employers
adapt workplaces
job retraining
flexible working hours

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People live longer today and so people should stay in the workforce longer. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

Discuss the impact of social media on creating opportunities and changing the nature of interactions among young people.

Some people think that advertising may have positive economic effects. Others think it has negative social effects because advertising makes individuals less satisfied with what they are and have. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Employers should give holidays of at least one month to employees to encourage them to perform better at workplace. To what extent do you agree or disagree?