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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy ‎things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay ‎attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.‎

Some individuals believe that
advertisements
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 play a crucial role in convincing the ‎public to buy a
product
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.
In contrast
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, others believe that advertising has lost its ‎importance and nobody notices it anymore.
Although
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 nowadays advertising has less ‎effect on
people
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's decisions to buy a
product
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,
this
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 essay argues that
people
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 start ‎thinking of buying new products they see in
advertisements
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, even if they do not ‎need them in their lives.‎ On one hand, some argue that we are overwhelmed with commercials. It is obvious ‎that we can not pay enough attention to the specific
advertisements
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 out of the tens ‎of
advertisements
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 we see every day on TV or the internet.
Consequently
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,
this
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 can ‎cause an increase in the effectiveness of
advertisements
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.
For example
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, in China, ‎research was conducted on a group of
people
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 who were aged between 20 and 35 ‎years old, which results depicts that when
people
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 are looking for a
product
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 to buy, ‎the more advertisments they see about that products, the more confused they get ‎and it makes it hard for them to decide what products is better to buy.
However
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, I ‎think that the moderate amount of advertising that contains true information ‎without bias can be beneficial to help buyers purchase the
product
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that is
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 suitable ‎for their needs.‎
On the other hand
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, we are seeing varied sorts of
advertisements
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 every day.
Such
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 as ‎on TV commercials, printed posters, or billboards, which you can see all over the ‎city.
Therefore
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, when you see the advertisement for a
product
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 that you do not need, ‎your brain starts thinking about it and tries to persuade you to feel like you need ‎that
product
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 in your life.
For example
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, in Netherlands, the statistics show that in the ‎
last
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 20 years, as the result of rising use of social media,
people
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 are more likely to see ‎
advertisements
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 in the social media,
consequently
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, the amount of money
people
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 ‎consider as their savings has been decreased averagely, because tend to spend ‎money from their saving acoounts to buy advertised producs they do not need. For ‎
this
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 reason,
this
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 essay believes that advertising can still be successful at persuading ‎us to buy things.‎ In conclusion,
although
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 the huge amount of advertising causes a loss in their being ‎influential, I believe that
people
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 decide what to buy based on the
advertisements
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 ‎they see, no matter whether they really need it or not.‎

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph clearly supports your main argument. Some points are good but feel unclear. Try to explain them better.
task achievement
Add more specific examples that relate closely to your points to make your argument stronger.
task achievement
In the introduction, clearly state both views before presenting your opinion. This helps the reader understand your stance better.
task achievement
Good job in presenting both sides of the argument! You showed you understand different views.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion sums up your argument well! It clearly reflects your opinion on the matter.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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