IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Despite a large number of gyms, a sedentary lifestyle is gaining popularity in the contemporary world. What problems are associated with this? What solutions can you suggest?

#gyms #lifestyle #popularity #world
These days, a sedentary
lifestyle
 is becoming more and more popular despite a large number of sports facilities.
This
 essay will discuss the main
problems
 associated with
this
 epidemic and propose some possible solutions to avoid them. The main
problems
 caused by an inactive
lifestyle
 are obesity and various spine disorders. A growing number of body research shows that long periods of physical inactivity raise the risk of becoming overweight.
This
 is because
people
 burn fewer calories and easily gain weight. What’s more, a lot of studies show that the so-called ‘sitting disease’ often results in posture and backbone
problems
.
Due to
 constant sitting, a person loses muscle tissue and curves the spine, developing numerous spinal diseases.
For example
, it has been proven that about 80% of
people
 experience backache at least once a week. In my opinion, the best solution to these
problems
 is to promote an active
lifestyle
.
Firstly
, millions of
people
 stay less active because they use cars
instead
 of walking.
Therefore
, an effective way to make
people
 more active is to advertise walking and cycling as safe and attractive alternatives to motorized transport.
Moreover
, an inactive
lifestyle
 is gaining popularity because nowadays, a lot of
people
 prefer passive rest to workouts in the gym.
And the
Correct word choice
The
show examples
 best way to avoid the hazards of unhealthy living is to obtain a regular dose of physical activity.
Thus
, promoting gyms and regular
exercising
Replace the word
exercise
show examples
 would increase the level of activity. In conclusion, leading a sedentary
lifestyle
 causes a lot of health
problems
, including obesity and spinal diseases. The most effective solution is to increase the level of fitness in society by advertising physical activity.
Submitted by ockn93 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay addresses the task fully and provides a clear, comprehensive response to the prompts. Well-developed ideas are presented, and relevant examples are used effectively.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates a good logical structure, although some improvements could be made in connecting ideas within paragraphs. The introduction and conclusion are well-presented and effectively sum up the main points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • physical inactivity
  • health problems
  • weight gain
  • obesity
  • energy levels
  • chronic illnesses
  • mental health
  • productivity
  • focus
  • social isolation
  • exercise
  • physical fitness
  • active lifestyle
  • health benefits
  • physical health
  • mental well-being
  • leisure activities
  • regular physical activity
  • physical exercise
  • cardiovascular health
  • strength training
  • flexibility
  • endurance
What to do next:
Look at other essays: